710
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by blueskiesoc@lemmy.world to c/adhd@lemmy.world

Thank you Nome @NomedaBarbarian

For the visually impaired, the images are a series of Twitter screenshots.

Full transcription of text below images.

Full transcription of text below images.

Full transcription of text below images.

Full transcription of text below images.

@NomedaBarbarian on Twitter:

Thinking about how I've been lied to as an #ADHD person about what habits are.

That apparently is not what neurotypical folks get to experience.

Habits are things that they do without thinking.

They don't have to decide to do them. They don't have to remember to do them. Things just happen, automatically, because they've done them enough for that system to engage and make them automatic.

That system...which I lack.

Every single time I have brushed my teeth, it's been an active choice. I've had to devote thought and attention to it. It's not a routine, it's not a habit, it's something that I know is good to do, and hopefully I can remember to do it.

Every single time I exercise, or floss, or pay my rent, or drink water, or say "bless you" when someone sneezes,

It's because I've had to actively and consciously engage the protocol.

It never gets easier.

Just more familiar.

It's part of my struggle with my weight--exercise never becomes a habit, and every single time I do it, it is exactly as hard as the first time. It takes exactly as much willpower & thought.

I got lied to about how it would just "turn into a habit". And blamed, when it didn't.

Drinking water isn't a habit. Feeding myself isn't a habit. Bathing isn't a habit.

I spend so much more energy, so much more time, so much more labor on just managing to maintain my fucking meat suit.

And now you want me to ALSO do taxes?

ON TIME?

(page 3) 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] unhook2048@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

I have alarms. I feel this in my core though. I have very strict routines that I follow, but they sure as fuck aren't habbit's I have to watch the clock and get extremely anxious around the time I know I need to do things, all.the.things.

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] TheRealGChu@lemm.ee 7 points 1 year ago

As an autistic person, habits are integral to my existence. I hate it when my schedule gets crazy, unless I very specifically plan for it. However, my husband who has ADHD, the above seems true. As a simple example: I always leave my stuff like keys, lunchbox, and headphones in the exact same spot when I get home from work. On the other hand, I spent 10 minutes this morning trying to find where my husband put the potato chips that I was planning on taking for lunch. Instead of being in the kitchen, they were in the living room(??!!) cos he moved them there to "get them out of the way."

I'm very structured in the way I work; he needs to be constantly redirected to stay on task. I have boundless attention to fiddly, very specific high-attention things (I do a lot of fiber crafts such as knitting and crocheting lace) for HOURS, to quote Neal Stephenson, "I have attention surplus disorder." He can't work on anything longer than 15 minutes.

It used to drive me crazy, but now I've realized that's just how his brain works, and we just work around it. On the other hand, he keeps makes me take breaks and pace myself (which I don't usually do), and I help him be more efficient. It's a pretty good system.

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] BilboBargains@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

I'm not sure what is going on with this stuff. Habit is another word for automation and we all have that. Nobody is consciously growing their hair. When you move up to behavioural habits it becomes less clear. We fundamentally don't understand where our motivation comes from. It amazes me how much behaviour people take credit for. Sit in silence and listen to your mind, the thoughts arrive continuously and they are unpredictable. If you can admit that you don't really know why you do the things you do, life is easier. It's just a process that unfolds, moment by beautiful moment.

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] Pokethat@lemm.ee 6 points 1 year ago

They should do what I do and get so stressed with other stuff that I hyperfocused on doing my taxed one night at 1AM while anxiously procrastinating something else

[-] RagingNerdoholic@lemmy.ca 6 points 1 year ago

Are these traits of aspergers, too? Asking for ... reasons.

[-] transientpunk@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 year ago

Autism, BPD, and ADHD all have overlapping symptoms. These traits, executive dysfunction, are definitely common between autism and ADHD.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] yogo@lemm.ee 5 points 1 year ago

Habits are pretty much definitionally subconscious, so this person is most likely describing poor habits rather than an entirely different type of habits. I wouldn’t be surprised if habit formation is significantly more challenging with ADHD, though.

[-] blueskiesoc@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

No, not poor habits. I have ADHD and--like the author of the tweets-- it takes mental energy to do many things that I think most people don't think twice about. Saying someone has poor habits, saying someone is disorganized, saying someone needs to stop being lazy...I'm just over it. I'm not mad at you, and I wouldn't expect you to care if I was, but I don't think you realize what an executive function disorder does to a person and being blamed for things that are harder for us is the reason anxiety and depression are so prevalent in people with ADHD.

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] YourHuckleberry@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

I get routines that, once I get started, it's hard to stop.

For instance, take a shower, brush teeth, go to bed.

If I get really dirty and have to take a shower at noon, I have to actively remind myself NOT to brush my teeth and yes, even not to get into pajamas.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] Captain_Patchy@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I think that the neurotypicals have ability to make these things onto "habits" that then happen automatically for them.
As a person that has to remember to every time, and decide everything I do, from what time I get up, to when I drink (and what) to when I shower or even brush my teeth, it is exhausting just maintaining daily hygiene and while I fully understand why I need to do all those things and WANT to do them to maintain myself, none of it comes without considerable forethought and considered decision making.

Frankly it can be exhausting just to exist, let completely alone, progress.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] persolb@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 year ago

I think there might be an axis here that is different than ADHD.

I certainly don’t have ADHD, but I don’t have any habits (outside of muscle memory, walking, breathing, etc) that works the way OP describes.

I brush my teeth because I think I should. A ‘habit to me’ is just that ‘situation X reminds me to do thing Y’.

[-] asteriskeverything@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

I haven't been fully tested but my doctor agrees it is likely I have ADHD and this is all new to me, grain of salt.

I definitely do things without thinking. Drinking, snacking, vaping, reaching for phone just because my hands need to be busy. Mindless stuff.

As for what I think most neurotypical people consider habits I have maybe one that is somewhat automatic for me and that is I ALWAYS do my skincare and teeth before bed. But part of that is because that routine is really good sleep hygiene. Like it is still a decision, still a bit of a chore, but it would feel VERY wrong and off if I didn't do it.

Then um let's see I've been taking the same medication at the same time for over 15 years now and I still need an alarm on my phone and I have still forgotten to take it if I don't take it that very second. At least most of the time later in the day I suddenly remember...

[-] blueskiesoc@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Your doctor diagnosed you. No further testing needed IMHO, because you aren't being different for "cool points". Let the treatment begin.

Then um let’s see I’ve been taking the same medication at the same time for over 15 years now and I still need an alarm on my phone and I have still forgotten to take it if I don’t take it that very second.

Like looking in a goddamn mirror. Yeah, if I don't do it THAT VERY SECOND, the alarm was worthless. I bought these because I can't remember even an hour later if I took my pill or not. I also have to do it that very second or it's worthless.

Edit to add: the old person pill case is a better product than the switch thing I posted. I've used both and I'm going back to the pill case.

[-] Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

I got the "old person" pill case with a compartment for each day. That helps more than I expected.

load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments
view more: ‹ prev next ›
this post was submitted on 16 Jul 2023
710 points (100.0% liked)

ADHD

9669 readers
195 users here now

A casual community for people with ADHD

Values:

Acceptance, Openness, Understanding, Equality, Reciprocity.

Rules:

Encouraged:

Relevant Lemmy communities:

Autism

ADHD Memes

Bipolar Disorder

Therapy

Mental Health

Neurodivergent Life Hacks

lemmy.world/c/adhd will happily promote other ND communities as long as said communities demonstrate that they share our values.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS