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I need to vent. Mods, if this kind of thing isn't welcome in this community anymore...oh well. It helped me feel better at least typing my thoughts into the void.

I got married to a wonderful, beautiful woman in 2021 after being together for 5 years. My parents are big cruise fanatics. They go on vacation like this about once every year or two. We both told them before the wedding - because they did this for my brother when he got married - they can get us whatever they want for a wedding gift, just PLEASE no cruises.

And they listened! We got some very nice, very expensive bedsheets that were perfect!

Fast forward a year. I get a call. My parents booked a 4 day cruise to Mexico over the week after Christmas '23. I'm not particularly assertive, but I was offering pushback on it. I got told shit like "you're getting a free vacation" and "how many opportunities like this are you going to get" and "we tried our best to accommodate you."

My wife also didn't want it. Neither of us asked for this. But after a few months of talking about it, both of us agreed: it's free, let's give it a fair shake.

Fair shake given. We tried our best to like this. I'm writing this from my cabin docked at Cozumel. We deboarded the ship for 15 minutes and were immediately overwhelmed by the crowd. We turned around, went back to our cabin and are now sleeping the day away. Maybe we'll hit up the hot tub before everybody comes back. The crowd is too much. The longer I spend on this gargantuan vessel, the smaller it gets.

My brother, his wife, and their two small kids are also here. I think they're also pretty exhausted. It seems like my parents have gone out of their way to spend time with that foursome. As for me, I only get notifications once they're already somewhere and I have to catch up. I got a message saying "We're at Senor Frogs." I did not get "We're going to Senor Frogs. Wanna meet up?"

I feel like a piece of shit for not appreciating it. I feel invisible because I didn't ask for this. And I feel angry because I feel like an afterthought. I feel like I got invited to this because my parents wanted to spend a week with my brother's kids and I was given a ticket to tag along so I wouldn't feel left out. I wouldn't have felt left out by not being invited to something I didn't want. I wouldn't feel left out if I had been given the opportunity to say no.

I'm just burnt tf out. I want my house. With my quarter acre. And my neighbor with the stupid subwoofer. I want my bed (that doesn't rock because it's on solid ground), my cats, my dog, my plaid pajamas, my cold weather, and my coffee back at home in Oklahoma. I would have rather stayed home and built puzzles with my (also puzzle-loving) wife for a week. We are slow-paced, solitary, almost antisocial creatures. I'm wired differently from my family. And though I feel guilty for being unappreciative of their gesture, I won't feel ashamed of being different. I didn't ask to be this way.

Anyway, if you've made it this far, thanks for reading my rant. I'm done. We shove off back for the States in an hour or so. We're over the hill. We'll be home soon, and I will never do this again.

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[-] pelespirit@sh.itjust.works 6 points 2 years ago

Good news, I think your hell trip is almost over by it being only 4 days.

[-] Yaztromo@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago

It’s been a few years since I’ve been to Cozumel, and while the town is cute and can be fun for an afternoon when it’s not packed with cruise ship denizens (as it would have been for you), it’s the other quieter parts of the island which is where the island really shines. You two could have rented some motor scooters (or taken a taxi — it’s only something like 30km from the cruise ship terminal) and headed out to the south eastern corner of the island and chilled out at Rastas and Freedom in Paradise, or just upped your tan in peace over along the kilometres of quiet beaches on the east coast along the C-1. Or maybe you two could have arranged to take a dive lesson — Cozumel is surrounded by some of the best tropical reef systems in North America.

I get that you and your wife weren’t fond of being on the cruise in the first place (as a natural introvert it’s not really my idea of a dream vacation either TBH), but when you had your one chance to get off and find some space and peace, you stayed on the cruise ship. That’s a lack of trip planning, and that part is on you IMO.

So if you find yourself in a situation like this again, post in a suitable travel sub with you and your wife’s preferences and get some suggestions — well before you leave. And avoid cruising next time — being on a boat that vomits out a thousand people all into the same small town isn’t usually the best recipe for fun — especially for more introverted people like us. HTH!

[-] Poggervania@kbin.social 6 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

I agree - part of this is on you OP for seemingly not at least trying to plan out the trip with your partner after agreeing to go. No duh it’s gonna be miserable as hell if you just stay on the ship majority of the time, it’s just a vessel that tries to comfortably get you to the real events: the ports and the towns.

I’m not a big fan of cruises either, but you bet your bottom dollar I’m gonna make the most of each area I’ll stop at if I go on one.

[-] owenfromcanada@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago

One man's treasure is another man's trash. You made things clear and they ignored you. You don't owe anyone anything--and if they're not inviting you anywhere, do whatever you'd like with your wife and ignore the rest. I bet if you ask around you could find a puzzle to bring back to your cabin.

[-] Lev_Astov@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago

I'm in a similar boat and the most fun I had was hanging around the ship's bars playing games while everyone else was ashore. That was pretty great; I'd do that again.

[-] NotSpez@lemm.ee 3 points 2 years ago

Hah. Similar boat. I see what you did there

[-] Lev_Astov@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago
[-] clark@midwest.social 6 points 2 years ago

I don’t have any practical advice, but I know this feeling too well; receiving inconvenient gifts and being expected to be grateful. Even though the thought counts, the gift itself will be the actual thing affecting the person. I hope you guys will feel better after this has blown over.

[-] Aleric@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago

One thing I've learned to live by is that just because something is free, I neither need to accept it nor like it. I've been pressured into situations I didn't enjoy in the past and was guilt tripped when I wasn't shooting sunshine and rainbows out my ass in gratitude.

I even tried turning the table, trying to force my father to do something he absolutely had no interest in but was interesting to me. He refused, despite my insistence. The next time he tried to guilt me into doing something I didn't want to do, I reminded him of his response to my invitation. And you know what? It didn't work at all, because my father is a selfish narcissist. So now I just tell him no, make it clear it's non-negotiable and I refuse to discuss it any further, and hang up on him whenever he brings it up. It's like training a toddler but, when adults act like toddlers, what else are you to do?

[-] xkforce@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago

Appreciating what? That your parents guilt tripped you into going on a cruise you never wanted? You aren't a child, you are an adult. You need to learn how to say no or they will keep doing this.

[-] ares35@kbin.social 4 points 2 years ago

just wait til the parents hold this over their heads... "we paid for that wonderful cruise you two went on.. now name your first born after my dear aunt eunice uvula. you owe us that much."

[-] Adulated_Aspersion@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago

Maybe they got a deal on an 8-pack?

I'm sorry it wasn't your thing. You likely find yourself preferring to spend more and more time at home. Many know the feeling of being "convinced" to do things that are outside of their comfort.

You could always go full petty and coerce the family to do things that you really like that they hate.

[-] AlexWIWA@lemmy.ml 5 points 2 years ago

I went on a free cruise and just felt guilty the whole time because I know how the staff are treated.

[-] Klanky@sopuli.xyz 5 points 2 years ago

Our family has never tried to drag us on a cruise, but I feel like this would me and my wife almost to a T. I do not get cruises at all, besides maybe Alaskan cruises. I’d much rather go to a country and visit it for real, not just go to some touristy resort.

[-] bluGill@kbin.social 3 points 2 years ago

Alaska is my favorite cruise. The view of glacers and mountins is great. The town you stop in not worth it, the sea days are not to miss.

[-] Jack@lemmy.ca 5 points 2 years ago

Check out "Shipping out: on the (nearly lethal) comforts of a luxury cruise." aka "A supposedly fun thing I'll never do again".

[-] chitak166@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago
[-] yokonzo@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago
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[-] trolololol@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

Yep

Do you have urgings of going on cruises? What's your dreamest dreams of what it should be like?

[-] chitak166@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

Seems like good Christian Fun®.

Cruises make sense for rich people who own the boats and throw parties on them. For everyone else, it's just a place where you can't do what you want but should be grateful because you're on a boat.

[-] trolololol@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

Now that I'm living in 1st world ( down under) I've heard of many fights happening inside cruises.

I've never been in one but I see it more like upper mid class that likes to get their hands off their children and drink day and night like you'd do in a pub, but just keeps going in the next day.

Still sounds like not our cup of tea, but we'll

[-] voracitude@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

Social anxiety isn't a rich person problem, but being a dick to other humans is absolutely an everyone problem. I'm sorry your life sucks; you don't have to follow suit. Try having some empathy, even when you feel like you don't have to.

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[-] tburkhol@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

My family and I also have vastly different notions of what constitutes a good time. It can be hard for people who really enjoy a thing - especially a popular thing - that some people just don't. Sometimes you do have to compromise a little on your own comfort to build and maintain family bonds; hopefully it goes both ways, and they'll join you for quiet time with puzzles (or whatever) some other time. Maybe you can all have some family quiet time in cabins while the ship is underway, then let them go do their loud crowded things in port, but it sounds like it's just time to chalk this up to tried it; not going again. Good on ya, giving it a fair try.

I've told my fam the things I don't want to go along for and why, and they (mostly) remember and don't ask again. Even if you're family, it doesn't mean you have to do everything together. I'm careful to tell them when it's a one-time no vs a categorical refusal, and sometimes they do stuff that bores them because I like it.

Like my nephew agreeing to sit through one more episode of Young Sheldon so my niece will play Monopoly with him.

[-] robocall@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

It sounds like you don't like crowds. If so, that's understandable. They can be overwhelming and uncomfortable.

Nah fuck them.

They guilt tripped you into something so they could force that "you owe us" dynamic.

Sounds like narcissists.

I would have told them "we're not going, do not bring it up again." and if they do just block them on everything until after new years. If they want to bitch about it after that, I can just ignore them for years until they get it through their heads.

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[-] HeartyBeast@kbin.social 3 points 2 years ago

Make sure you book your parents a bungee jumping experience- if they would hate it.

[-] blazera@kbin.social 2 points 2 years ago

what is up with cruises now? I've heard at least a dozen people going on their first cruise this month, having never hearing anyone personally going on one before now

[-] wahming@monyet.cc 2 points 2 years ago

It's a sign you're getting old 🧓

[-] sir_pronoun@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

For the internet drama, I vote that you make the remaining time hell for everyone involved. Dig out those corpses at family dinner. Bring up the time dad cheated on your mom or something like that.

Fake a terrible infectious disease that will get your vessel put in quarantine for a month (even if you don't want that, do it for us)

Find a crew radio and announce that they're not being paid for the rest of the cruise.

Listen to more bad advice from people commenting here!

[-] Stache_@lemmy.ml 4 points 2 years ago

Fighting fire with fire doesn’t usually work out well, imo

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this post was submitted on 29 Dec 2023
473 points (100.0% liked)

Off My Chest

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