Y'all seem to be taking your first shower.

Hand-egg.

Is this rage bait?

There is both kicking, albeit sporadically, and an oblong ball in American football.

As far as I am aware, the foot in football originally referred to the fact that it was a game played on foot rather than on horse back (as opposed to polo for example).

Yes and no. Literally every game starts with a kick, and there are other common kicks/punts. But yeah, it's mostly handball.

I know most people are stupid, but come on.

Concussion-ball?

I actually looked into this recently. It's related to standard naming conventions established by England. Originally there was Association Football (soccer), gridiron football (American football) and rugby football (obvi rugby). Regarding American football,

"Both soccer-style football and rugby-style football eventually found their way to America. What resulted was an American combination of the two games. It wasn't until much later (1906) that forward passing was allowed. So because the American game was really just another form of the European football games, it too became known as football."

What are we supposed to call it? Tackleball? Pussy Rugby? TBI Plz?

Would you say that Rugby isn't played with a ball then? It doesn't need to be perfectly spherical

Maybe they named it that because the game starts with a foot, the kick off.

(This is definitely not why but this is the first thing that popped in my head lol).

It's a ball, and it's a foot long