282
submitted 10 months ago by Ilflish@lemm.ee to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml
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[-] scytale@lemm.ee 117 points 10 months ago

They treat service people well.

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[-] sodalite@slrpnk.net 94 points 10 months ago
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[-] MrFunnyMoustache@lemmy.ml 91 points 10 months ago

There is a term in kendo called hikitate geiko. I won't get too technical, but in essence, it is an attitude employed by a senior who spars with their junior that helps elevate their skills. It is more difficult than it appears, because if you make it too easy for them, they don't improve, but if you make it too hard for someone, they won't learn anything either; and at the same time, you yourself won't benefit from the spar. By practicing good hikitate geiko, you are able to elevate your partner's skills, but at the same time, refine and perfect your own technique.

I find that this attitude is beautiful in every aspect of life, and isn't easy to accomplish; I think this is a huge green flag when someone does that well, regardless of the situation or context.

[-] tetris11@lemmy.ml 37 points 10 months ago

This. Someone who is willing to come down to my ignorant level in a subject and reward me for my tiny effort and interest in it, is an immediate win in my book. Though it is a hard line to cross without going into smirky/mansplaining territory.

For example, Veritasium videos are always fantastic, but I can't get over how the man smirks when he explains concepts, despite the fact that it's his natural smile.

[-] MrFunnyMoustache@lemmy.ml 19 points 10 months ago

Finding that sweet spot is incredibly difficult, and requires a lot of attention and skill.

In kendo, if I make it too easy, not only the junior won't learn much from it, but they will get frustrated and feel that they are being dismissed or looked down on. If you go too hard on someone, you are crushing their spirit and demoralising them, and they don't get the opportunity to learn or improve. The problem is that such environments tend to be festered in some dojo, so if you see that, best to look for another group.

The point of hikitate geiko is to give your partner both a boost in confidence and engagement, giving them opportunities to attack you, but if they don't immediately capitalise on them, move on.

As for applying it outside the dojo, I think you have to want to share your enthusiasm about something, and when you get them hyped about it like you, it's an awesome feeling. When you give them the confidence to try something, or ask a question, they are trusting you and it's great. I also love seeing someone when something they have been trying to do just clicks.

I find that when learning a new skill, there is a point of psychological friction, because you feel that you suck, and just aren't getting it. Hikitate geiko helps the junior not feel like they suck, it feels awesome and it increases morale, which makes learning both fun and effective.

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[-] vext01@lemmy.sdf.org 79 points 10 months ago
[-] AnnaFrankfurter@lemmy.ml 20 points 10 months ago

Now I'm not dating someone unless they can prove their vim skills. Probably I'm gonna die alone.

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[-] Quintus@lemmy.ml 73 points 10 months ago

If a person carries their trash with them until they stumble upon a trash bin they instantly have a plus in my book.

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[-] naevaTheRat@lemmy.dbzer0.com 65 points 10 months ago
  • vegan
  • soft spoken
  • patient
  • hands scarred/calloused from work
  • creases in face from smiling
  • casual manner/attire
  • walks around other earthlings on footpaths etc instead of through
  • puts their shopping trolley away, bonus if they round up others
  • mocks authority
  • is kind to children and listens to them seriously
[-] YoBuckStopsHere@lemmy.world 30 points 10 months ago

Vegan is a red flag for me.

[-] naevaTheRat@lemmy.dbzer0.com 20 points 10 months ago

Good to know you're both cruel and insecure. Thanks for sharing with the group

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[-] OsrsNeedsF2P@lemmy.ml 18 points 10 months ago

Same. I prefer partners without willpower

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[-] alt@lemmy.ml 53 points 10 months ago

The simple virtue of being able to genuinely express these words; "I don't know", "Sorry" and "Thank you" (or any derivative of these*).

[-] rubpoll@hexbear.net 17 points 10 months ago

Being able to admit a mistake is huge, being able to genuinely apologize without some cop-out disclaimer is even better.

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[-] LadyLikesSpiders@lemmy.ml 51 points 10 months ago

Kindness to animals. Just all animals, generally

[-] 31415926535@lemm.ee 46 points 10 months ago

They're self aware. Understand the difference between subjectivity and objectivity. When they encounter someone different, they don't judge, see it as a learning opportunity. Put thought into their words. If you ask them a question, you can see them carefully thinking about it.

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[-] Helix@feddit.de 41 points 10 months ago

Only kicks upwards, not downwards. Has a backbone and principles. Doesn't value money over meaning. Likes to teach people instead of putting oneself over them.

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[-] chicken@lemmy.dbzer0.com 38 points 10 months ago

Expresses disagreement with people talking shit about others when they don't have to

[-] GarfieldYaoi@hexbear.net 35 points 10 months ago

No particular order:

  • Being a furry/furry sympathetic.
  • A science major of any kind. IMO the S needs more love in STEM.
  • Ever overhear them say "walkable" in a positive light.
  • Hobbies besides media consumption
  • Not "too cool" to learn something. Likes learning for fun.
  • Not to concerned with looking cool or badass, either. Look at CHUDs, I made a joke the other day that I can sense a decent bit of residual 90's 'tude in modern CHUDDery, and I think I'm onto something.
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[-] deadcatbounce@reddthat.com 35 points 10 months ago

People who treat others who cannot benefit them well. For example, wait staff.

[-] badelf@lemmy.ml 34 points 10 months ago

Actually intelligent, reads books, sense of humor, actually listens.

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[-] _haha_oh_wow_@sh.itjust.works 29 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Treats everyone with respect regardless of what their perceived status is.

[-] Ilflish@lemm.ee 27 points 10 months ago

I should probably add my own. They like plants

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[-] DrQuint@lemm.ee 27 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

They talk about Pokemon in the first date and will defend gen whatever while still calling it shit.

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[-] Hyggyldy@sffa.community 27 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Their soul is sufficiently supple for the ritual.

[-] tetris11@lemmy.ml 18 points 10 months ago

Girl, are you covered in the entrails of a sheep to sacrifice to the Lord Glycon to wake him from his sleep, or are you happy to see me?

[-] spittingimage@lemmy.world 27 points 10 months ago

When they call you because they're at the supermarket and you might want something.

[-] wombat@hexbear.net 25 points 10 months ago

communism, support for palestine

[-] EveryMuffinIsNowEncrypted 23 points 10 months ago

They're a fucking weirdo like me and so don't mind being goofy a good bit of the time.

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[-] CyberDine@lemmy.world 22 points 10 months ago

They can laugh at themselves. Not to the point of self deprecation, but they can acknowledge when they're wrong or dumb

[-] Rockyrikoko@lemm.ee 21 points 10 months ago

Enjoys the outdoors

Child Free

Has a dog

Atheist/Agnostic

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[-] ProfessorOwl_PhD@hexbear.net 21 points 10 months ago

Good range of spices - preferably slightly more than they have enough room for.

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[-] WittyProfileName2@hexbear.net 21 points 10 months ago
  • Eager to discuss the cool things they've read.

  • Able to make me laugh.

  • Cleans up after themselves (I know, low bar).

  • Communist of some stripe.

Superficial but:

  • Physically stronger than me.
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[-] mayo_cider@hexbear.net 21 points 10 months ago

Having red and yellow or red and black flags on their clothing/accessories

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[-] pixxelkick@lemmy.world 20 points 10 months ago
  1. Their fingernails. It sounds weird, but you can tell a lot about a person by how maintained their nails are. If they have long gross unkept nails, it says a lot. Versus trimmed and clean nails.

  2. I always do dinner and a movie for Date 1. At dinner, how do they treat the staff? Are they kind, do they thank the worker for their help? Do they tip well? Do they take forever to pick an item off the menu? When I offer to pay, do they initially counter offer for them to pay or us split at least?

  3. I'd just ask them their thoughts on trans folks wanting to participate in the Olympics with their same gender. The way they react to a hardball question pretty quickly outs any red flags.

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[-] Gallardo994@sh.itjust.works 20 points 10 months ago

Cutting the bullshit and getting straight to the point. If I wanna play games I have a playstation.

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[-] Waldoz53@hexbear.net 19 points 10 months ago

its more of a long term green flag but whenever someone listens to me, like brings up something i mentioned ages ago or whatever, its just a nice little thing i appreciate a lot

[-] keepcarrot@hexbear.net 19 points 10 months ago

I feel like everything is a green flag until a red flag pops up. Like how an open road is functionally a permission to cintinue driving.

There are things where I get excited about a person, but even then red flags are more important. "Never admits to wrongdoing" and "Thinks kicking down a door and screaming at your partner is an appropriate response to leaving a mug in the wrong cupboard" is going to flatly be more important in a relationship than "does activism" or "is house trained".

That said, I don't like arguing all the time and do organising stuff irl, so it would be nice to agree politically on a bunch of things. Responds to texts/messages and seems excited to build conversation with me.

[-] RonPaulyShore@hexbear.net 18 points 10 months ago
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[-] AgentGrimstone@lemmy.world 18 points 10 months ago

When they pay back what they owe without being reminded.

[-] BirdyBoogleBop@lemmy.dbzer0.com 18 points 10 months ago

Texts me and makes plans instead of me being the one who has to.

[-] agnomeunknown@lemmy.world 18 points 10 months ago
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[-] Omega_Haxors@lemmy.ml 18 points 10 months ago

They actually show up, or, failing that, tell you they aren't going to show up and summarize why and when the next best time is.

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this post was submitted on 02 Nov 2023
282 points (100.0% liked)

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