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submitted 1 year ago by Clymene@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

I'm writing this as someone who has mostly lived in the US and Canada. Personally, I find the whole "lying to children about Christmas" thing just a bit weird (no judgment on those who enjoy this aspect of the holiday). But because it's completely normalized in our culture, this is something many people have to deal with.

Two questions:

What age does this normally happen? I suppose you want the "magic of Christmas" at younger ages, but it gets embarrassing at a certain point.

And how does it normally happen? Let them find out from others through people at school? Tell them explicitly during a "talk"? Let them figure it out on their own?

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[-] walden@sub.wetshaving.social 52 points 1 year ago

Let it be an exercise in critical thinking. I knew from a young age that Santa wasn't real. Kids talk. Mom still gives us presents from Santa, 39 years later.

[-] ZagamTheVile@lemmy.world 44 points 1 year ago

I have 3 kids. I've never lied to them about Santa. I've always told them that the idea behind Xmas was kindness and giving and left it at that, and that the whole Santa thing was just a fun story to play along with, like the tooth fairy or social equality.

[-] Cargon@lemmy.ml 24 points 1 year ago

Damn, hitting them hard with reality at the end there lol

[-] BlueEther@no.lastname.nz 10 points 1 year ago

We have 2 kids, and never said that Santa was real and that some of our friends believed that it was the 'birth' of a scarred person to them - we talked about solstice etc. The second of our kids had an unwavering belief in Sant until about a month a go - then she accused us of lying to her that Sant was real - some battles you just cant win

[-] metallic_z3r0@infosec.pub 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

All right," said Susan. "I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need... fantasies to make life bearable."

REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.

"Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little—"

YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.

"So we can believe the big ones?"

YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.

"They're not the same at all!"

YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET—Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME...SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.

"Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what's the point—"

MY POINT EXACTLY.

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[-] Steve@startrek.website 42 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Are you referring to santa and elves or the birth of Christ?

My 5yo daughter appreciates santa et.al. as a cheeky fun fantasy just like the easter bunny and tooth fairy. I never tried to convince her that any of it it real.

We even have an elf on a shelf that she looks far every morning with great enthusiasm but if someone gets weird about she says “its just a toy ok”

[-] RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world 16 points 1 year ago

It's not a toy, honey. It's a tool of the police state.

[-] TheMusicalFruit@lemmy.world 32 points 1 year ago

When they directly ask you, you tell the truth, doesn’t matter the age. They probably won’t ask until well into elementary school. Here is an interesting Psychology Today article about lying to your kids about Santa. To sum it up, not really harmful. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-nature-deception/201912/should-you-lie-kids-about-santa

[-] Moobythegoldensock@lemm.ee 6 points 1 year ago

I still remember when I asked my mom about Santa, she replied, “It’s what you believe in your heart.”

What the hell? He either exists or he doesn’t. That was the second I stopped believing.

[-] putoelquelolea@lemmy.ml 27 points 1 year ago

By truth do you mean that Santa doesn't exist, that the whole Christmas celebration is an adaptation of Roman pagan traditions, or that Jesus never existed?

[-] JackGreenEarth@lemm.ee 9 points 1 year ago

Jesus probably did exist, but he probably didn't commit miracles.

[-] theshatterstone54@feddit.uk 6 points 1 year ago

Exactly. Also, fun fact: If I recall correctly, there were a lot of religious preachers/prophets at the time. A good example is John the Baptist. Why do you think he baptised Jesus? So Jesus could now be a member of John's church/cult/club/group/whatever. My personal headcannon (i.e I don't have evidence to back it up but it just makes a lot of sense) is that Jesus learned how to lead a religion by example from John the Baptist and used that to grow his own religious group. And if it wasn't for the crucifixion, Jesus's religious group would have never grown to be so popular that it eventually spread throughout the Roman Empire. Now, I'm guessing the resurrection got added to the story either because Jesus was still alive when removed from the cross and then nursed back to health, or because someone saw him before the crucifixion and somehow got into his head that the time they saw Jesus was after the crucifixion and the story spread mouth to mouth, changing over time. Of course, as it turns out that was among main topics of discussion during the Council of Nicaea: should Jesus be perceived as human or as divine?

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[-] TigrisMorte@kbin.social 27 points 1 year ago

First, prove Santa Claus doesn't exist and then we can talk about your opinions.

[-] emptiestplace@lemmy.ml 25 points 1 year ago

Don't lie to your children about someone sneaking into the house at night while everyone is asleep, it's fucking weird.

[-] Globulart@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

It's weird from an adult's perspective but it's magical for a kid, and seeing the excitement build and the idea of actual magic contributing to a really family centric event is like proper magic for a parent too.

I spent a long time growing up thinking that I would never do that to my kids, but I think it's actually crueler not to do it now. You're taking away an experience most children share and get excited by together for no real reason.

My children are 3.5 and 9months and I haven't decided when I'd let the older one know but it's certainly a few years away at least. I'm hoping that one day she comes and asks me herself how real it is because she's pieced together how impossible some aspects are, but I really have no idea how naively optimistic I'm being. I guess what's more likely is she comes home from school upset one day because another kid told her, and then I'll have to explain it and get her on board to keep the magic alive for her little brother.

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[-] legion@lemmy.world 22 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

At what age do you tell boomer parents the truth about Christmas? That their daughter who moved away to the "bIg CiTy" so she could get an "eDuCaTiOn" and pursue a "CaReEr" and "dRiNk LaTtEs" is actually happy there, is not going to come home from Christmas, fall in love with the blue collar boy who never left town, and magically discover the rural housewife life is what she actually wanted all along?

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[-] Saigonauticon@voltage.vn 20 points 1 year ago

I think a key observation in my childhood, was that adults don't generally know what's best, or right, or even what's true. Intentions mattered more than some arbitrary 'correct' behavior. I figure all children work this out at some level, faster than we're willing to acknowledge :D

So I guess yeah, it is a bit weird, but that doesn't make it bad. Maybe the best we can do is suggest parents hold their children's best interests at heart, and do what's best for their specific situation.

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[-] MrPoopyButthole@lemm.ee 19 points 1 year ago

The sooner you can tell your kids God's not real, the better. Just make sure you tell them it's not their job to explain that to their peers.

Unless you meant Santa. In which case the same applies.

[-] Dave@lemmy.nz 19 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

My kids have always known Santa wasn't real. We just nonchalantly talk about which adult is going to be santa this year. It's like playing pretend, and doesn't make the kids any less excited (but does remove the awkwardness of explaining why it's ok that a strange old man you don't know is allowed to come into the house while everyone is sleeping because he is giving you stuff, but other strange old men trying to give you stuff shouldn't be trusted).

For the telling other kids at school thing, my sister would say that it's not her responsibility to cover for other parents lying to theig kids. We would each be honest to our kids and let other parent handle their kids.

[-] Lettuceeatlettuce@lemmy.ml 19 points 1 year ago

Just don't play into it. My parents never did the Santa gifts thing from the beginning. All our gifts were from mom, dad, grandma/grandpa, etc.

I never got a "talk" that I can remember about Santa not being real, it just never was a thing.

No magic was lost for me or my siblings. Christmas was still our favorite holiday of the year. Still had tons of fun decorating, making cookies and gingerbread houses, making gift wishlists, going out to get a tree, putting up lights, getting up early Christmas morning to open gifts, etc.

Most magical time of my life personally as a kid during the season, nothing was lost by not believing in Santa bringing me presents.

Emphasize the important things about the season. It's about generosity, spreading joy to others, celebrating friends and family that we don't get to see often, etc. Don't make it consumeristic. I wish my folks had taken me and my sibs to help at some sort of community function around the holidays. Although as we got into our teens, we would do food drives and toys for tots, etc. Which was good.

[-] indepndnt@lemmy.world 18 points 1 year ago

My parents always told me the "truth" about Christmas: it's Jesus' birthday, and Santa Claus is a lie from the devil meant to turn you away from God.

I grappled with this question for awhile as a young parent. A thing that I noticed about kids is that they are great at make-believe, and they will get endless enjoyment from things that they made up themselves.

So I gave them presents "from Santa", I filled stockings on Christmas Eve, etc., and we all knew we were playing the Christmas game together. I don't think there was any lack in wonder or enjoyment.

I also made sure that they knew that some folks take it really seriously and believe Santa is real and everything, and that's really none of your business so just play along and don't ruin it for them.

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[-] JackGreenEarth@lemm.ee 17 points 1 year ago

It's just horrible to see secular people intentionally lying to their kids. It fosters mistrust. Sure, celebrate Christmas, and put the presents in the stocking and whatnot, make it fun. But to lie to your kids about who's doing it seems totally unnecessary and harmful. Same for the tooth fairy. Fortunately for me, my parents didn't lie to me about the tooth fairy. And I appreciate that.

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[-] EnsignRedshirt@hexbear.net 15 points 1 year ago

There is no evidence that belief in Santa is harmful to children, nor is telling them the truth. They only believe in Santa for like maybe three years, and they’ll figure it out on their own. The vast majority of kids figure it out by age ~7-8. You can tell them whatever you want, it won’t matter either way.

If you do tell them the truth, or they figure it out on their own, be sure to also tell them that even if they don’t believe, other kids do, and being a Santa-truther will not win them any prizes or make them any friends. It’s a good lesson about living in a society.

[-] theshatterstone54@feddit.uk 15 points 1 year ago

As an ex-child, I figured it out on my own at the age of 6. You see, back then, our gifts would be given to us by a Santa Claus in a suit at our kindergarten, and the gifts would be what we wrote letters for with our parents. We would tell our parents, and they would "write" and "send" the letters. Then they would buy, pack, and label the present, and then bring it in to our kindergarten sometime earlier. On one of the last days when we break up for Christmas, the Santa would come to our kindergarten and we would take photos with them and our presents. After that, we would go home with the presents and get the photos soon. Now, as you can clearly see in the picture from the previous year, the santa has a very different beard and suit, far too different to be real. Alongside that, a roll of the same wrapping paper was hidden behind my parents' wardrobe, and last but not least, my name on the present was written in my mother's unique and very recognisable handwriting style. Not bad for a 6-year-old, huh?

[-] KingJalopy@lemmy.zip 5 points 1 year ago

I was also 6. I received California Games on Nintendo. It has a barcode. I thought, "what the hell does Santa need a barcode for?" Mom tried to tell me the elves couldn't make video games and I was like yeah right, you fucking bought that.

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[-] WashedOver@lemmy.ca 14 points 1 year ago

Much like sex, drugs and Rock and Roll, let them find out about it on the playground like the rest of us did...

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[-] RickyRigatoni@lemmy.ml 14 points 1 year ago

If I had kids I'd just do what every parent I know including my own did and let them find out themselves. I feel like it's more natural that way.

[-] Thordros@hexbear.net 14 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

We used Santa (et al.) as an exercise in critical thinking. Outside of saying, "Yep, the Easter Bunny did it." we never directly lied about it. If they asked a question about it, we answered truthfully.

Child: "Whoa, how does he visit all those homes in one night?"

Dad: "It's impossible unless he uses magic."

C: "Whoa magic is real??"

D: "Nope."

They all figured it out on their own before they hit grade school.

[-] oshitwaddup@lemmy.antemeridiem.xyz 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

That's what my parents did too. Backfired on them when I left religion years later lmao

They thought it was funny/cute when I tried to argue with other kids about it, but aren't so happy when I argue about religion with them now 😆

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[-] cheese_greater@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago

Never lie to them in the first place. Also no circumcision. Just don't do predictably horrible shit to little-yous who have to live with the fallout

[-] TheMusicalFruit@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

Who said anything about circumcision? Lol

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[-] sxan@midwest.social 12 points 1 year ago

Never, because Santa is the spirit of Christmas, and he is real. As long as someone includes a "from Santa" label on at least one gift, Santa's been there.

Nowadays, it's agreed in the family that stockings are from Santa.

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[-] zecg@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago

No magic for me, I told them immediately as they could understand. That shit is a gateway to religion. I didn't even care if they believed me or the liars, I was quietly ready to be found right in some years, but the keepers of the ol' magic flame were not persuasive enough and my brood went around redpilling their peers.

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[-] Zellith@kbin.social 11 points 1 year ago

Just let them figure it out. I planted walkie talkies in the living room to catch santa when I was about 9.

[-] Honytawk@lemmy.zip 11 points 1 year ago

As soon as you want. They usually only care about the presents anyway. Doesn't matter if it was given to them in a fat guy in a red suit or by their parents.

[-] tungah@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago
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[-] AnalogyAddict@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago

From the very beginning. It's much more magical and less creepy.

[-] bobbyfiend@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 year ago

We just never invested in that with our kid. We said things like, "it's fun to pretend" and "some other families believe..."

It isn't hard. I grew up believing Native Americans were Israelites and there were ancient records written on metal plated under a hill in central New York. Many families believe our don't believe certain things.

[-] shiveyarbles@beehaw.org 9 points 1 year ago

I waited until he was 8 years old before explaining the horror of Satan Claws

[-] ringwraithfish@kbin.social 9 points 1 year ago

I'm seeing a lot of judgement on pretending Santa exists vs being 100% truthful with your kids. I don't think either way is a bad way, but don't judge others if they choose to pretend Santa is real.

With that being said, I do agree that if you are going to go with the Santa story, when the kid asks if they are real you should be truthful.

I just went through this with my 9 year old. She just came up one day and asked me if Santa was real and I told her no. There were a lot of follow up questions and it made her realize the tooth fairy, Easter Bunny, etc were the same situation. She asked me why we pretended Santa was real and I explained for us it was nice to see the magic that they felt from a stranger being kind just for kindness sake.

For me personally, I think it's a good lesson for kids to begin logically questioning their world and what they've been told.

[-] stolid_agnostic@lemmy.ml 9 points 1 year ago

We lived in a house without a fireplace and the whole thing made no sense to 5yo me.

[-] CmdrShepard@lemmy.one 6 points 1 year ago

I'm pretty sure this was addressed in The Santa Clause movies. A fireplace just appears.

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[-] lightnsfw@reddthat.com 8 points 1 year ago

We "believed" it until I was like 8. I didn't really believe it that long but played along thinking I could potentially be getting more presents if my parents had to buy gifts from themselves and "Santa".

[-] nocturne213@lemm.ee 7 points 1 year ago

We have always celebrated the winter solstice and Santa Claus with our kids and skipped the lie of Christmas all together.

[-] angrystego@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

In our family it was done like this: The story of how the presents get magically to the house was told, just like you would tell a fairytale, in this kind of storytelling way. Younger children believe it, older children begin suspecting something from the tone of voice. We also let some things slip sometimes, like hiding presents and having to go and buy some secret stuff to help with preparing the Christmas. Children of older preschool age really enjoy being able to find out themselves, suspecting you and catching the clues. Then when they confront you with their theory, you can let them in on the conspiration by just a wink, maybe tell them not to let others know. They then tend to start participating, preparing their own presents for others. It works very well.

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[-] Damage@feddit.it 6 points 1 year ago

My dad used to dress up as Santa Claus and bring gifts to kids at the village's daycare... This required months of work from my mother to buy toy packs and similar stuff to separate into little assorted packages for the kids. This started before I was born, it was impossible to hide the fact from me growing up, and they never tried to pretend Santa was real, they just told me not to tell the other kids. I had no further questions or doubts to be assuaged.

[-] ThatHermanoGuy@midwest.social 5 points 1 year ago

You teach it as young as you can. Teach them to laugh at the pathetic, hate-mongering Christians and their silly traditions that make no sense. Encourage them to tell their peers the truth at school as well.

[-] Tenniswaffles 11 points 1 year ago

For someone who calls Christians hate-mongering, you're pretty hateful yourself.

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this post was submitted on 29 Oct 2023
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