14
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by PoodleDoodle@lemmy.world to c/relationship_advice@lemmy.world

I want to have a nice sexual surprise for my partner. What would you do/have done that works?

(Not going to break up with them, just getting ahead of that train.)

top 10 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] BouncyFerret@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago

Sex is one area where surprises are generally a very bad idea. Many relationships have ended because one partner thought the other would enjoy x, only to find out that they were disgusted/insulted/traumatized/etc instead. It is difficult and may be impossible to recover from this type of oops.

The best idea is to set aside some relaxed time to discuss interests, curiosities and hard limits with your partner. Probably start with the hard limits so you don't stomp all over them with your interests. Then decide to try out one thing you both are interested in. Keep communication open at all times. Go slow. Keep in mind that some (many) people have been sexually assaulted or abused in some way and that will make them incredibly sensitive to anything that recalls those feelings.

You want this relationship to be as enjoyable as possible for as long as possible? Yes? Don't take chances, be smart, be kind, communicate openly and good things will happen. I promise.

[-] Darnov@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

I cannot stress this enough.

Under no circumstance should you attempt to surprise your SO with a previously undisclosed sex act. You should also avoid any unsolicited digits entering orifices.

[-] JustinFTL@kbin.social 4 points 1 year ago

A finger in the butt is always a nice surprise.

[-] MinFapper@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Especially if you do it during intercourse with absolutely no warning and yell "KAPOW!" at the top of your voice.

[-] match@pawb.social 3 points 1 year ago

talk to them about things they like and things you like and see what overlaps (if you haven't done this I will presume you're heterosexual)

then, prep ahead of time to do one of those things at a time when you think it's likely your partner will be receptive to it (not after a long day of work)

hint a little about it ahead of time and use that to judge whether they are in fact probably up for it

bring them to the bedroom or other fuck spot and explicitly ask if they're interested. if they are not, make it clear that it's okay (and mentally prepare yourself for it to be okay)

[-] iByteABit@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Not sure what to say other than "try something you haven't before or haven't in a long time". Maybe it works maybe it doesn't, but it's good to change things up now and then.

You could also ask them if they have anything they'd like to try, maybe suggest some ideas too.

[-] themachine@lemmy.fmhy.ml 2 points 1 year ago

A hotel room and some activities not involving sex. Maybe it’s a show or going to a garden or a museum. Make it a total romantic evening and set the stage. Then as others have suggested maybe you give a gift of a sexual nature like some sexy clothes or a toy. That way it won’t be a surprise act but something they can choose to use if desired. Make sure it’s all no pressure and good natured fun.

[-] dumples@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago

As mentioned before don't try anything too crazy without explicit discussion and consent. I really recommend Hot and Unbothered if you want to work on your sexual communication.

But if you want to get started before the book I recommend a Yes, No, Maybe list. Is is pretty common recommendation from sex positive therapists and kinksters. It's basically a long list of every sexual thing you can think of. Without judgement you mark which ones you are Yes, No and Maybe about. Then you have a common list of new things in the Yes category you can try and some aspirational ones in Maybes. There are some templates online if you want to use them as a source

[-] Trainguyrom@reddthat.com 1 points 1 year ago

If it's a toy, before engaging in intercourse say "Look what I've got!"

If it's an act, first ask if you may surprise them in intercourse, then once you have that consent be extremely ready to stop everything if they don't like it. Remember that consent can be revoked at any time and it's important for any sexual partner to respect that

[-] ShadowRunner@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago

You have given zero information that we need to offer relevant advice. You haven't told us your gender or the gender of your partner, what your ages are, what your respective experience levels are, what you normally like to do, etc...

Any specific advice anyone tries to give you would be nothing more than throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks.

If you want good answers, you need to provide more information.

load more comments
view more: next ›
this post was submitted on 24 Jun 2023
14 points (100.0% liked)

Relationship Advice

2531 readers
2 users here now

Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!

The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.

Please make sure you read our rules before posting.

Rules:

Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.

1: Treat all users with respect. [!]

The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.

2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]

Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.

3: All posts must be a request for advice.

All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.

4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.

Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.

5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.

Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.

6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.

Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.

Reddit reposts are allowed.

As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115

How are rules enforced and bans applied?

For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.

For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:

  • 1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.

  • 2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.

  • 3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.

The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.

Exceptions:

While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.

Related communities:

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS