"The proper authorities have directed me to instruct you to immediately cease breathing, as it has been determined that you're wasting precious oxygen with deplorably low return on investment. I'd offer my condolences to your loved ones, but that'd be asinine since we both know you haven't got any."

It's amazing you can type with your boxing gloves!

IDK, the limiting factor for me is time, not my ability to read. Not every email is as necessary, important, or time-sensitive as the sender thinks it is, and some days I also gotta do other shit that isn't responding to emails.