I'm gonna just go on a brief tirade here—

It's probably just me, but I despise "how are you doing?" as a greeting.

To put this in context, I work in a customer-facing position, handling returns at a counter. When people come up to me and ask "how are you doing?", 95% of the time they don't actually care. And it bothers me in particular because I instinctively want to answer the question honestly, but a) that would result in me going into a non-trivial emotional ramble because of the... everything going on in the world right now, and b) being that open with a stranger is weird.

It's why I've settled into using "fine, relatively" whenever I'm asked that question in a context that demands a terse response. It's as honest as I can be, captures a decent range of emotions, and at the very least can get a rise out of people who aren't expecting the standard "good" or "great" or "alright."

Same.

(and yeah, I like to take the inquiry "how are you doing" seriously)

We're not in the abyss, we're in the car park and snack area adjacent to the abyss. Not too bad.