I wish that I was joking. Reminds me of the internet 20 years ago.

Because it is the internet from 20 years ago. The idiots who made DotA 1 toxic 20 years ago are now in a 30-40-somethings making a car forum toxic.

Those fuckos wanted pics to whack off to

Whenever I see questions like this I remember this study: Video game experiment leads to insights into sexism .

TLDR is that it's a skill issue. Lower ranked male players are more likely to be misogynistic than higher ranking players. Read into that what you will.

LOL. A few weeks ago I came across an interesting coffee break discussion at work. Turns out, we have two women who are almost car mechanics. They can do all sorts of car maintenance most men would just outsource to a professional. They’re also good at knitting and mending worn out clothes. These women are actually far more competent than men would expect.

If you’re interested in something, jsut go for it. Don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t start tinkering with your car because that’s not a girly thing to do. If you love what you do, spend time on it, you’ll eventually get good at it—no matter how much it may violate archaic ideals.

Same men obsessed with making a woman prove she's a woman to use a restroom. Just plain weird.

Unfortunately, much of the car enthusiast community is filled with extremely bigoted and closed minded people. It’s a big problem.

If you want, feel free to tell your friend about the Superfast Matt Discord server (Matt is a popular car YouTuber, and has a very active car enthusiast community on his Discord). They have a strict zero tolerance policy for that kind of shit, and everyone there is very accepting of new people. She can find an invite at discord dot gg slash superfastmatt

(Not trying to advertise, just hoping to connect your friend with the kind of people she’s looking for!)

Underdeveloped ego.

Guys can be strangely insecure about being "a man". If you tell yourself that you're a manly man because you're into cars which is a manly thing, then when a woman is also into that you either have to reject the uncomfortable idea or start asking yourself some more difficult questions about what being a man really means to you.

Although I'm a man I'm not an expert by any means but that's my read. Could be just plain simple misogyny as well.

I ain't reading all that because I know c/girlsarentreal but Nice try

As far as I’m concerned, not understanding this mentality is something to be proud of.

Idk, but why would I care what people think I am? Think I'm a dude? Cool. Think I'm a chick? Nice.

It's actually kinda fun trying to be so neutral in your phrasing that nobody got any idea. I've been an active player on a certain long term game and haven't slipped up once in like 15+ years.

Stop caring. Use it to your advantage.

My friend joined a car forum, because she’s into cars.

...and...

Apparently the way she talked was too “proper” to be “girly” and people responded that her knowledge of car components was a “red flag” that she must secretly be a man.

With this last comment right here it sounds like she is fairly knowledgeable about cars and the men on that community see "car knowledge" as their personal domain and expertise. If (gasp!) a woman knew more than a man on a car thing, then the man would be emasculated!! Since she was demonstrating knowledge, and perhaps more knowledge than some men, the men could only accept they were "beating" by another man and therefor they themselves wouldn't be emasculated.

tldr; the men in that community are terrified of being perceived as "less manly".

It seems like nonsense to even be wasting time arguing about whether she's a woman or not on a car forum, but how did it even come up?

I don’t think most real women would bring up the fact that they're a woman - especially on a car forum. Not that they’d hide it, but just wouldn’t bring it up, the same way most men don’t bring up that they’re men. When someone makes a point of mentioning it, it immediately raises suspicion, and if they get defensive about it, that’s another red flag. Throw in a gendered username or an avatar on top of that and you’ve got all the hallmarks of a guy pretending to be a woman.

I know some women are genuinely into cars - I even know one personally - but that doesn’t mean they can’t act like men. And most men have been fooled enough times online that we’ve just gotten pretty cynical about it.

There are people trying to do genitalia checks in bathrooms in supermarkets. Americans are seriously fucked in the head right now.

Do you know they're all men trying to prove this?

This is a rhetorical question, getting at the point that we don't know if you're a man, woman, or one eyed flying purple people eater, so even engaging in any thought about this is a waste of energy.

Best you can do is say the same thing - this is a waste of energy can we go back to talking about cars. Cause frankly I don't give a shit what your dangly bits are, it's irrelevant to this conversation.

Honestly, I think that one of the reasons for such scenarios may be that it's easier to try to demolish the idea of there being an actual woman present than accept that she has no romantic/whatever interest in them. And I don't think this is driven primarily by an ego impulse, but by hopelessness.

Of course, there are many other things which factor into such situations (a partially justified caution in the example you've described, for instance, as catfishing can end up being very painful for vulnerable people, even in "milder" forms), like societal norms ("gurls aren't supposed to like icky boy things!"), maybe some elitism, some group resistance, a sort of hazing, etc. But I still can't shake the feeling that even these stem from hopelessness in various ways.

I'm sorry your friend experienced this type of behaviour, and I'm sorry it did some splash damage on you as well... It is, indeed, very disappointing to see such behaviours still being not only prevalent, but even frequently reinforced as standard nowadays... It's a disappointingly hostile world in many places. But if I may point out the silver lining in this, at least nobody can take away your friend's passion!