Can you do something about the... gestures vaguely at everything?

Okay, let's try this.

Every single human being, gradually, develops empathy and awareness to how their choices affects themselves and others.

This is to happen over a period of a year and will not lead people to despair but to understand the poor choices they have made throughout their lives and lead them to live better lives, with no malice arbored towards others and themselves.

This effect will include the granter of this wish.

I'll have a Krabby Patty Deluxe and a double chili kelp fries.

im in a good mood today, just do explosive diarrhea for mark zuckerberg real quick

Fully automated luxury queer space communism, in the sense it was conceived at (as opposed to you interpreting the words yourself), instantly, with everybody’s belief system magically adapting as if they had lived in this new society for a few decades. As a result, everyone adapts immediately, without negative result on anyone's mental or physical health, and without anyone being brainwashed or changed in a way they wouldn't have naturally changed if they had time to experience living in a community that they can trust and that cares about them.

In other words: Iain M. Banks’ Culture decides to bring Earth in, but magically instantly.

Could you dissapear all the facisim thats popping up everywhere? That would be super.

Let’s try making Karma a real universal force

Whenever someone attempts to make a golf swing, change the friction coeficcient of the grip to zero.

Gender changing potion

A divorce

a couple hugs

You’ve done more than enough, my child. Get yourself something nice.

One (1) fall of capitalism please

I want my farts to smell especially pleasant and take people to their happiest childhood memories.

puppy

Can you clear both my nasal passages so I can breath through them simultaneously?

I'd like to be granted the ability to, at any time and without limitation on scope, number, or length, ask the universe questions (asked in the dialect of modern english in which I am fluent without requiring specific location, action or other ritual) and know the answers to those questions, but with the following stipulations:

• that all answers are to be formatted and delivered in such a way that I understand them, without any changes or consequences that my current self (as of the writing of this statement, in my current condition) would consider a significant change to my physical and mental stability, and without requiring more than 3600 metric seconds (relative to my worldline) to understand in fullness, and being delivered in a timeframe of less than 3600 metric seconds (relative to my worldline).
• that any redactions due to such stability concerns as in the prior stipulations are to be formatted and delivered as part of the reformatted answer
• that any answer which is inherently unknowable returns an explanation for why it is unknowable, formatted as an answer pursuant to the prior stipulations
• that no answers pursuant to the ability lead to circular logic
• that this ability, its answers and enabling factors shall not require a sacrifice which my current self (as described above under my current circumstances when informed of the context of the sacrifice in plain English communication) would not think reasonable.
• that if such a sacrifice is required, an explanation of the requisite sacrifice and the factors requiring it be returned to me, formatted as an answer pursuant to the prior stipulations
• that I am to be able to choose to transfer any of these answers to another individual of any species, and that the individual be able to understand the answers, so long as the prior stipulations on sacrifice and physical and mental stability are satisfied both for myself and the secondary individual.

A bagel.

No. Wait.

Two bagels.

A pillow with the perfect height and that doesn't flatten after a week of use.