"Smart" TVs.

I just want my TV to show pretty pictures with sound thrown at it by the digital receiver. If I want, I can attach a computer for streaming. How is that such a big ask?!

Washing machines.

My washing machine 15 years ago would wash my clothes with...uhhhh...fucking water.

Now you can't buy washing machines that actually wash your clothes in water. They all spritz your clothes with a little water then jiggle around your damp clothes for a bit.

I don't live in a desert. I live in a place with access to plenty of water. I should be allowed to buy a washing machine that actually fills up with soapy water and washes my damn clothes.

I could buy a Speed Queen washer for $2,000 from a specialty store, but that's ridiculous. Why can't I just buy a washing machine that washes my clothes? They're ALL terrible now. All the washers in all the big box stores are just...bad.

Printers. There is no excuse for (consumer) printers to be as shitty as they are.

There are reasons, but none of them are excuses: If patent hell wasn't a main obstacle put in place by the large printer manufacturers, I am sure open source hardware alternative would've forced industry improvements ages ago.

I really don't get all the shit microwaves and printers get. smart devices especially samsung and xiaomi phones are the worst, from privacy, ownership and control, and maintainability points

edit: fixed a typo. got a stroke when writing...

Microwaves are allowed one proud "ding" or three "beep" before they are on my hate-list.

It used to be printers but I switched to a Brother laser printer about five years ago and its been trouble free while having reasonable print costs. You can even force it to print on empty for a bit longer, although you shouldn't push any laser printer too far on empty as you can wreck them.

Toasters are my big gripe. Its been proven that they have massively reduced costs at the expense of longevity and toasting efficiency from what we had decades ago. I have an expensive toaster (from Sage), and I have still had to replace micro switches on the buttons. While it does a better job of even browning than a cheap toaster its still far from the level I expect.

I would buy one of those expensive Japanese toasters or a commercial toaster oven but I do not want that much counter top taken up by it. I would rather just cook my toast in a cast iron pan now, far better finish.

Both Costco and Sam's club make these ice cream makers in the wooden buckets. The motors have flimsy PET plastic gears. I get it. Strip out a replaceable gear rather than burn out the wires in a motor, easy easier repair, right? Wrong, I have a nearly identical ice cream maker that's 60 years old, the motor still works great. Metal gears, just gotta oil and maintain it regularly because it gets near salt water and gets splashed occasionally over the decades. The new ones strip out the damn gears after two batches of ice cream.

My solution ended up being to get an ice cream maker with built in refrigerant, but then I needed to get it recharged and that'll cost a much as the machine itself. Thanks a ton, breville. I'm saving up for a professional machine now.

Dishwashers

Modern ones have too many features that can break and brick the whole thing and the cheap ones never get good powerful pumps so they spray like shit. Just make a basic mechanical timed dishwasher with a super powerful pump and I will be all in.

The fridge. If you close it too hard or too soft, it ends up not closed, but a fingers' width open.

My apartment gym has a Nordictrack treadmill that I hate nearly every aspect of. First of all, it requires you login to use any of the programs, which doesn't really work with 200 potential users. It has lost internet every single time I've used it and needs a restart, even though I use manual mode, the UI buttons are tiny and impossible to read while you're running, and don't respond correctly, and worst of all, there's no goddamn place to put your phone so you can watch Netflix.

If it needs an app or internet connectivity - it can go fuck itself.

We've gone nearly a century of appliances that didn't need this shit. Apps or the Internet itself will not and never will, make things easier to do tasks than they already were easier to do before.

I encountered a gas stove that wouldn't work during a power outage. It had a valve that shut off the gas if electricity wasn't present. Way to intentionally sabotage one of your biggest advantages.

If my work computer counts as an appliance, then that (I have been using a mac for 2 years now for work and am hating nearly every moment of it).

Other than that, I'm not really sure I have one.

Coffee dispenser at work. It acts up like it's a printer. Replace left cartridge. Replace right cartridge. Cleaning required. Thorough cleaning required. Unknown leak. Heating water please wait. Unknown error. Fuck that, I'll piss in a cup myself if I don't get my coffee now.

Then there's also the towel roll thing in the toilets. I swear it's stuck for longer time than it's functioning. It'd be a full time job keeping that rolling throughout the day

Samsung Fridge (don't judge me, it came with the house).

I knew it was a "when" and not and "if" it would start having issues, and it finally showed its colors last month.

Front panel buttons either refused to work at all or would cycle through every option continuously and randomly.

Want water? Sorry, only crushed ice today. Want ice? Sorry, just water today. Oh, I actually did want water (starts dispensing). PSYCH! Now I'm going to shoot ice at you and splash water everywhere.

Was about to just toss the thing and get something dumber and more reliable, but decided to roll the dice with a replacement control board from ebay. Thankfully, that worked and I'm only out $80.