often people who are repressed will find ways to express feelings they dont understand even in unhealthy ways. its not an abnormal reaction to lash out at people who you dont realize are a lot like yourself, because you are dealing with the learned bigotry and hatred that society, and by extension you, are placing on yourself. now that you see what a powerful effect hatred can have on somebody, how it can warp and skew their perspective, i think its time to let yourself accept some love, and the healing power it has, dont be too hard on yourself, just work on improving yourself.

hey congrats on finding yourself. It sounds like you're doing a lot of valuable self examination. Don't be too hard on yourself! You can always ask people for forgiveness if you feel the need to but even if you don't just being a better person in the future is a good way to live. I wish you the best!

As someone who recently came out as well and has at least had a bit of time to work through this a bit, you're gonna be okay.

This is something that, whether you realize it or not, weighs on you in an unimaginable way and unfortunately that crushing weight causes an immense, unending pain that can get directed towards others. A lot of us have those feelings, and while you can't undo the things you've said, you can definitely make amends for it, and this is a great start.

You're going to be reflecting a lot for the next few weeks I bet, and just make sure you're not too hard on yourself. You've made an incredible step in accepting who you are as a person, and ruminating on past mistakes isn't doing that. That person is gone. You're obviously still "you", but in accepting yourself now, that scared, suffering, angry person is no longer scared and suffering and angry.

If you can, therapy, or even just journaling can help immensely. Externalizing some of the thoughts you're having by writing them down, at least for me, tends to calm things down a bit and keep them from constantly buzzing about your head.

Stay strong, and feel free to reach out. We're here for you.