It happens yes, but I stopped because I understood that insects / mold / organisms grow on fruit and vegetables, so I think of it as gross now, but it beat a hairbrush handle.

Got a bit freaky with a friend once. I used the cucumber on her. We both ate it after. Don't leave that shit for other people to eat. As long as they have common sense, you should be fine.

This is the modem equivalent format for an ancient dirty joke. Back in the day kids you could find collections of them in printed books, and later, entire websites solely dedicated to hosting thousands of dirty jokes. They were presented in story format, often happening to your cousin's friend.

Not saying no one had ever had this happen to them in the history of mankind. But this is also an old dirty joke that is probably more commonly repeated than acted out.

🍿

OP, does this happen with men? I need to know. Serious question

Yo, I have to take a moment and shake you because I thought you were a cool tech dyke judging by your goofy ass name. But all things aside talk with your seemingly two partners? Or like, partner and actual friend? But also like, idk what open lines of communicaiton you have with kids or what even kids will listen to - or who (cause I think maybe it could also be a who thing in this situation) - you can still attempt to give them a talk. And I think most kids run around with cards from their parents nowadays from how I've seen it. Like, if you've got a phone you've probably got a card. But this is all just some assumptions.

But all tweets (this is a tweet right?) are fake af and people just trying to be shocking and cute and like maybe down the line they can use their audience to do different monetary things. I mean like most the shit on Reddit was fake, so I can't imagine most the stuff on TwituhX is real either. So unless you having a late night rib just like - talk with your kids. About the stuff they should hear at the ages you think they should hear them. Or get your wife to do what you've got to do. And if you've got two partners you're probably open af and can legit find a way to broach the subject. I believe in you! Or bribe one of their older cousins with cash to talk with them. Cause legit, if my one cousin told me anything about sex I would hands down believe them. Just figure out which cousin they admire and BLAM, you've got an in.

Gl, you got this. Try not to rot your brains too much on bullshit, cause it's okay in moderation but I think I've read it can be bad for your health =P!

Teenagers do stupid shit. So while it's not something everyone does, it absolutely happens. No it's not something anyone should seriously try. You cannot effectively clean a vegetable and it can break, requiring embarrassing medical attention.

And yes, one of the reasons for an allowance is because teenagers need some agency and privacy to become normal healthy adults. If they want to explore their sexuality alone it's perfectly natural.

Relevant WKUK

(Relevant to the tweet, not to OP's question)

This isn't even the commercial i was looking for but here ya go.

https://youtu.be/gev_DzSqy7A?si=JV0Z8yKtlkZNnFTF

Anything even remotely phallic shaped and sized has probably been used like that by someone. Depends on how horny you are, both in the moment, and as a person in general. I'm a guy, but during puberty, when I was exploring masturbation and bottoming, lemme tell you, nothing was safe from getting fucked or fucking me.

I wouldn't be overly concerned about your produce, though. Most folks would toss it afterwards. If you notice your cucumbers or bananas going missing, then it might be cause for concern. But honestly, if your kids are at that age, and you're genuinely concerned they're doing something that might cause harm, the bigger concern is a lack of information about safe sex. A no questions asked Amazon gift card is one idea, but I'd recommend finding a good book or website you trust with sex Ed info, including safe solo sex practices, and an agreement that packages that come in their name aren't to be opened by anyone else. In my experience, parents who trust their kids and don't snoop or invade their privacy have way less to worry about from their kids than the parents who toss their rooms. My friends with the strictest parents had great hiding spots, I never even tried to find any. Didn't need to hide anything, and as embarrassing as it would have been had I gotten a cucumber stuck up there or something, I would have been able to tell my mom and get a ride to the ER. If your kids seriously don't trust you not to freak out, they could end up literally dying because the embarrassment would be worse than not dealing with a medical issue.

At the dinner table, ask your mom for the recipe because it tastes so good.

Did you put it back in the refrigerator? Did Mom find it under your bed? This wasn't an accident; someone made an intentional power move and your family is toxic.

it could happen, specially with teenage girls. but it's not often. the risk is higher in the discovering and exploring phase. (I'm a woman)

I'm just thinking of the little pokey things (spines?) on the cucumbers. Ouch.

did you catch Poor Things?