I'm an engineer. When you see something really badly designed and think "wow, those engineers are so stupid! I could have done a better job myself!"

Please know that we did think about it. It's just that some guy with an MBA decides the schedule, and another guy with an MBA decides the budget, and terrible designs get released no matter how much we protest. I'm sorry we couldn't figure it out fast enough and cheap enough, though.

And yes, we do mistakes all the time too. It's just that we usually know about the obvious ones.

The things I ask you to do while troubleshooting aren't guesses. They're based on years of experience.

If you work around forklifts, never trust the driver. Ideally they're being safe and watching out for you, but don't gamble on it. They're heavier than a car and can very easily kill you or at the least break your foot and it will be an arduous healing process.

At least try rebooting your computer before you contact I.T. It really does fix a lot of things. And don't lie to us and say you already tried it once we get to your office.

Electrical engineer. You can't develop and ship an iPhone in a year. Apple has multiple generations under development at the same time.

When you buy a research paper, the author doesn't get any cut from it. The journals are scams, and should be destroyed. Until that happens, try searching on arxiv.org first, usually there are preprints available there. If not, contact the authors. Most of us are happy to share our results. Your local library can also help you get access to those.

These are the more legitimate ways, and then there's sci-hub. I've actually seen internationally renowned researchers open a paper using sci-hub on their laptop lol.

Icing a cake takes time, especially when it's one meant to feed between 90 and 100 people. We're not trying to ruin your kids birthday when we need 24 hours notice for something that size, it's that someone needs to take at least 2 hours to get it done, and we can't magically make that happen on short notice and full days.

I work on a farm. Where I live (in Canada), farm workers don't have the same rights as other workers. We don't even have to be paid minimum wage.

I work in food and the amount of customers that act like every mistake is a personal attack is wild.

If you actually think someone is deliberately messing up your food you need to just stop going there entirely.

As a funeral director, I'm not trying to upsell you into a nicer casket or talk you into something you don't want. I'm just trying to help you get through it and be happy with the decisions you made.

Retail employee.

Technically speaking there's not that much stopping me from slapping the shit out of you.

As a welder, quality doesn't come cheap or fast. A lot of work goes into my work. Even if all I'm doing is welding Part A to Part B, a lot of research, prep, and planning goes into it.

I need to know what the base material is, the base metal thickness, I need to clean the HAZ, I need to protect everything near the HAZ. I need to actually weld it and clean it for repaint.

A good welder plans to have their welds last the lifespan of the thing being welded on. If I'm welding a car frame together, I'm going to make damn sure they're good long-lasting welds that resist corrosion. Those welds will outlive the car itself.

YES WE DID TEACH YOU THAT

YOU WERE DOING WHIPITS BEHIND THE GYM

You can bring your phone into the X-ray room. Unless you’re getting a hip X-ray you can even keep it in your pocket. Keys and wallet too!

All my patients are convinced that a phone can’t be in the pocket and I cannot even convince them otherwise. They don’t believe me!

I do equipment ordering for a nation-wide institution of 36,000 staff with hundreds of offices and clinics. My job would be so much easier if people would tell me where they want it at the time they're telling me they need it.

If you can look people in the eye and make them laugh, while also maintaining relationships long term: You will likely make the most money and have the best life in sales, regardless of industry.

Yes, my job is so easy a monkey could do it.

Why do you think I'm doing it?

and as part of your job your are 100% honest with the customers and the company never encourages you to mislead the customer.