You are worthy of love, of being loved, and with help you’ll make it.

That’s a lot to have been put through. But you’re still here so that counts, in really huge ways.

Start here: HAVOCA – Help for Adult Victims Of Child Abuse. ”Every Survivor has the right to become a Thriver.”

Isn't it fucked up how much life can crush you when you have absolutely zero agency you can flex. Have you heard about Open Path yet? Cause you can give it a look and see if you vibe with anyone. You might be able to find someone that can assist you on your journey of healing. There's also some kind of really solid freebie group therapy system online. But I absolutely do not have the name. Someone else might. It's like a series of groups you can grow including domestic violence and complex ptsd. The only thing I want to say is be careful around substances, because it's really easy to fall into them but you never fall out even if you step back from them. And the way street drugs are nowadays you're never getting what you think you are. Also, I don't know what gender or age you are specifically - but I do know that a lot of young hurt men can be at higher risk for self harm. So if you notice anything creeping into your system, try your best to reach out for help. Even if you don't say it, just crowd your time with others and it'll pass. Either way, what I did with the things I strongly disagreed with between my folks was I just attempted (and still do) to do the opposite of the thing I disliked. Step-parents can be real pieces of shit, because what skin do they have in the game? At least, if they don't want to. You're just free-labor. I watched my younger sibling become that to a certain someone in my life, and to this day I don't know how a grown ass adult can be so stupid to lord over a kid like that.

Just try and stay strong, utilize any services you can - no shame. Break down big goals into smaller achievable actions. And if you are disabled in any sort of way, know there's also services that can assist you through getting...assistance =P! Also no shame in temp agencies, if you have the means to get around. Lastly, all things can be replaced or live on in your head. But you cannot be replaced. So no matter what you lose, it's all just stuff. I've lost so much crap over the span of my life. I don't care anymore. I pack light, live light - and actually feel wealthier for it - because I can move at the drop of a dime if I want and I don't feel bogged down by THINGS! Which is a blessing in these modern times. Sometimes I get sad about some of the things I've lost. But I made a conscious decision to keep a small assembly of things that are meaningful to me that I can slide into a backpack and don't take up too much space. And you might want to put something together like that too. Because it's really nice to go back and see decades of stuff from people I love who may or may not exist anymore or little magpie things from events.

Oh, one last thing. Backsliding hurts, but as long as you keep going you can make it through. But also make sure you do nice things to restore your energy cause it fucking sucks to get dragged for so long only to get dragged again. It makes you want to give up and sink. But it's worth the fight, trust. And if you're younger than thirty - things get so much better in your thirties. Idk? Because I sure as shit am not in that much a different space than in my twenties. But I for sure feel better as a whole. Even though my body is in a constant battle to crush me. Which, btw - please address your pain as best as you can because this shit will kill you one way or another and I don't think I would ever be as sick as I was had I not been picking up stress without putting other bits down. So GL, GJ - You got this! Keep going!

*p.s. - Moms don't get in trouble for kidnapping I don't think. But also I heard that most amber alerts are due to a parent kidnapping their own kid most times. But all kidnapping situations are totally shit - and I wish they didn't exist on the real.

@bizarroland @cashmaggot Hey, I don't know what this will mean to you coming from a complete stranger. You've clearly never had a mom, though, or a dad, so let me share with you what they never did.

You are not your past. You are not your things. You are not your circumstances. The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.

Those experiences don't have to define you. No one else is allowed to tell you what your worth is or who you'll be. The person you were yesterday is dead, and the person you are tomorrow doesn't exist. There is only today, there is only ever today. So somewhere inside of you, I want you to think really hard about who that person is, who you are. If you don't like what you see, that's okay. I think we've all been there. What's important is that you decide what matters to you, what your values are, what your worth is, who you're going to be, and then you live it. It takes time and practice, but what doesn't? Who was born knowing how to ride a bike, or swim, or count to a million, or anything else? Just work on it, every single day, and you'll make it.

I imagine you are hard on yourself all the time. The people who should've been there for you unconditionally taught you that you're never good enough.

I'm convinced we are all fundamentally equal because of our soul, so trying to prove yourself is sort of a silly excercise.

What you mentioned about scales falling off reminded me of mindfulness. You wake up and you go like wtf am I doing?