I was not in love but i can talk about being in a relationship. Its nice. You have someone to talk to when you want. You have someone to help you when you need help and someone to help when you need to be helpful. You can share your victories without judgement.

Its nice to not get into an empty bed. In winter when it's cold you get into bed and warm each other up. Sex is good but it kinda becomes a step by step routine when you know what each other like.

In regards to your attitude. Women don't actually want that much. Even ugly and outshape poor guys can find people. But if you are convinced that you are a person no body wants you need to take steps to improve yourself. In 6 months of hard work you can completely reinvent yourself. Jump on steroids start going to the gym 5 days a week. Do cardio, get a dog and pick a generic hobby like watching Netflix then start trawling tinder. Once on tinder you should accept every date opportunity even the fat ugly girls just to get practice and confidence. Give tinder at least 6 months before you give up.

That probably won't get you a good relationship but it will get you experience with women and you'll realize they're humans with flaws and you'll stop putting then on a pedestal. You could also try an escort just to get rid of the virgin nerves.

If you want to get steroids go to a trt clinic and make sure you have crashed your t levels before going.