Well, and anybody can say or do things that are abusive.

Different people have different levels of tolerance for abusive behavior. The question is, when does it go from, "a person prone to occasional abusive bullshit" to "a person in the habit of committing acts of abuse"?

It's a lot like addiction in the sense that it's a sliding scale, but people largely outside of it will freely brand the slightest hint as a full blown catastrophe.