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this post was submitted on 09 Jul 2023
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No Stupid Questions
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Comparison is the thief of joy. What others have done in their life says nothing about their level of happiness during those times. Accomplishments are just one sentence with so much that happens in between that you don’t know. I feel like society has really done people a disservice by convincing everyone that you have to do big things in order to have a great life and if you don’t do them all before you’re 30 then you’re old and wasted your life and that could not be further from the truth.
You don’t have to pace up with anyone, your path is completely different from theirs and your thing that you do can start any time because it is NEVER too late. As long as you’re living you can start your next path any day you want, saying you can’t is like accepting that you won’t try anything new again until you die.
Lastly, even if you don’t have some big accomplishment like you’re seeing others have that doesn’t make you “less than” anyone else. You can still lead a perfectly happy and wonderful life without having some really great big goal in mind. Your goal can be to be the best you that you can be to everyone you interact with and that would still be a valuable goal in life. Take a look at what you value in life and when you focus on those things and surround yourself with others with similar values then you’ll naturally find your next goals in life. You’re exactly where you need to be.
I think they're actually right. I just look around, older people don't want to move an inch from their comfort zone. It's almost always what they do in their youth that defined who they are. If they are still doing good things in their life still, they were usually not sleeping around in their youth either. I think there is something about getting old that makes you less flexible in general, psychologically.
I'm definitely not where I want to be. I look at my last year, last 2 years, last 4 years, last 6 years etc. and it's as if I never done anything right with exceptions (something something broken clock). And when I try to do something today, many times I struggle because I didn't start early, or I just straight up can't. I can give so many examples to this today. Me sleeping around only hurts me in the future.
Regardless of your age, you are a result of the daily choices you make. Coming from someone who is going on 30, I don’t feel like my life is defined by anything from when I was 17 and below. In fact, I don’t feel like I really started getting my shit together until well after college. And I’m honestly glad for that, I was a different person when I was 17 than I am today and I’ve grown a lot. 17 year old me would not recognize the person I’ve become today in a very very good way. You have so much ahead of you that’s really hard to see right now but it definitely gets better.
You don’t have to be where you want to be right now, but you can make a conscious decision to make small daily choices to get you to where you want to be. You’re focusing so much on what you haven’t done and not enough on what you could do in the future. What’s already happened doesn’t really matter, what matters is what you do tomorrow.
As someone who just turned 30, every year brings growth and change to my life. I'm not the same person I was at 17, or 24, or even 28. Every day I strive to better myself, or do better. Am I more set in my ways than I was 15 years ago? Maybe. But I don't really think so. I choose everyday to try to level up myself in some way, some days I succeed. But often I fail. And that's okay. Failure is a part of life - and an integral one. Struggling and failing is how you learn. It's also a cliche, but I find it to be true that success is all the sweeter when it comes after a series of failures. All you can do is pick up and try again. Because when you let failure stop you, that's the only way to ensure you'll never succeed.
You're young. You don't need to have accomplished anything at this point, you don't need to know what you want to accomplish later in life. Even if you never accomplish anything of note it won't make your life, or your happiness, less important or meaningful. Your goals don't have to be grand, as long as they matter to you.
Also I noticed specifically you mentioned sleeping around here. I'm not sure why you think sleeping around would hurt you in the future, or why you are beating yourself up so much over that specifically. But you should stop shaming yourself for it. "Sleeping around" is a perfectly normal part of life, at any age. As long as you're doing it safely, and with care for your own mental health. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It won't prohibit you from settling down in the future if that's what you want.
I don't mean "sleeping around" literally, I just didn't know what phrase to use to describe just kind of not doing any out-of-box activity and missing opportunities around you in general.
I did this too much it kind of affects some of my personal life negatively atm.
Context: I'm hope-to-be international student
I'm whining I have so little time to prepare for college admissions but... I could literally start preparing 2 years ago but I didn't know I could study abroad at the time. Which is, kind of the dumbest assumption I made in my life. Have I never seen a single international student? Why would they not let you enroll? Why I decided I couldn't study abroad for some reason? Why I took the words of the principal or family for a topic like that, they literally can't speak English? Worse, I got really upset for not being able to study abroad for two years bc it was like my dream - this combined with some others factors made a few years of high school a mental hell for me
I could attend an international high school that would help with the process but I (literally this time) slept around instead of researching high schools.
I didn't learn German even though I set that myself as a goal before, now I can't apply to German universities, which would be free so I wouldn't be stressed for getting scholarships right now
My examples are academic only but similar stuff exist in my social life as well, or like any other area
And time passes so fast I feel the pressure on my shoulders to not sleep around at least because I know I'll regret that later on