Hi all,
I got my diagnosis of Asperger’s a couple of years ago after a trip to the mental health ward at age 31. I looked around at the time but a lot of the resources are either technical academic books aimed at psychologists or materials for children or parents. So I put it on the back burner and have just found time to start really diving into studying Autism and how I can better manage life and relationships.
I found this community and the “Field guide to Earthlings” book, which I have found really helpful and makes sense of a lot. But I am still looking for more resources for adults with late in life diagnosis’ and coming up dry.
Does anyone know of anything that could be helpful/relevant? Looking mostly for coping skills, conflict resolution, emotional regulation stuff.
I’m also terrible at social interactions because I’m constantly questioning and analyzing everything. Small talk or just relating to NTs has always been hard because a lot of that they do and are interested in just doesn’t make sense or I have absolutely no interest in.
I’m in a rural area and there’s no local resources at all. I’m also not too keen on a lot of Youtube videos because I find the over-the-top noise and crappy characters/personalities/acting that hosts/influencers put on incredibly off putting. But I do like Youtube videos that are done in an informative manner and not for entertainment value.
Thanks in advance 🙂
I haven't found any good resources even in urban areas. There's just not much there for older NDs. Everything is geared towards children. Also, think it's very unknown how much more exhausting masking gets as you get older. It's not something you just get better at, it still takes a lot of effort and as you age and energy levels drop it becomes more and more unsustainable.
I feel this. A few months ago I lost all my energy to maintain my mask- completely removed myself from my friends because I couldn't be the person I wanted to be for them. The energy it takes to be patient doing things I don't want to do, showing interest in things I'm not interested in, and supporting people who can't support me just drains me. While it's been moderately lonely as I also wfh, it's a bit liberating having a completely consistent flow throughout my day; all that mental and emotional energy I can now put towards me. Familiar cycle though... Once I glue my mask together, we go again!
i feel like I've found it both easier and harder as life goes on.
like, I've gotten better at it. it's easier for me to understand body language and facial expressions now. in fact, i think because i had to learn that from the outside I've gotten really quite good at that. it's made me a halfway decent actor it turns out 😅.
however, just like you, it's harder for me to want to. I get so tired of it, and my brain gets stuck comparing how much I'm sacrificing my time and attention to how much they're willing to do that for me and it makes me bitter. it's an extremely unproductive thought pattern, but i still struggle with it.
what I've really really lost patience for is people being rude over info dumping. i may come of as a little awkward for talking about image processing techniques and how important the debayering layer is to the quality of high frame rate video.... but you're a fucking dick when you say "o don't care, stop talking" after like 30 seconds. if i can overcome my stupid bullshit to wait patiently for you to make the fucking point i understood you were trying to make 8 sentences ago, you can let me babble about noise floors for the same
anyway... this community make me feel like i might actually be allowed to ramble like this... maybe. I'm sorry if that wasn't very well organized
This is so very frustrating. Especially when they feel the need to re-explain/restate the point multiple times, as if I didn't explicitly state that I understood the first time.
This has been my experience too. Looking back, I did pretty well masking and managing burnout in highschool but when I got a job and had to deal with customers is when I started to really burnout and that was how I ended up in the mental health ward and learnt I have Aspergers. I have very little energy for masking these days.
I ended up moving out into the bush and becoming a hermit, isolating myself. I was pretty damaged at the time but I'm trying to make an effort to manage things better now. Just need to find the resources to do it.