How do you learn to live without someone? (lemmygrad.ml)

submitted 1 year ago by sovietsnake@lemmygrad.ml to c/comradeship@lemmygrad.ml

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I kind of ended my relationship with me now ex this year, I'm into another relationship, it was just a lot of shit, poverty, mental illness, other stuff combined, it was absolutely the worst time for when we tried that.

I love the person with whom I am now, it's nothing related to them, but fuck, Jesus Christ, some times the memories just kill you, it was a lot of years, it was a lot of things, how do I even exist after this? I know I'm not a person who know very well how to get over the past, but this kind of thing just feels like something that will accompany me to my grave.

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[-] Unifier4448@lemmygrad.ml 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Mid-30s, two kids, ended a 13-year relationship last year. Still going through the divorce process.

I see myself as a speck of dust in the universe. I am not special. The 'machine' will keep running with or without me. My control over events is limited.

It's not all doom and gloom, though. There are two things that I can control to some degree:

How I choose to react to external events
How I choose to spend my time

I start the day with a list of things to get done (make bed, clean litter box, dishes, run X miles, play game with kids after school, etc), and I just stick to it. My 'mission' for the day is to complete every single item on the list no matter how I feel. Each task can be part of a longer-term goal, such as learning a new skill or getting fitter.

When I feel down, I ask myself why I'm feeling such a way and I try to pin down the source of distress (usually a memory). Then, I pick an 'easy' item on my list and I get it done. I avoid looking stuff up on the Internet or overthinking. I just get the task done. If I'm still feeling bleak after, I pick another task.

I hope this helps.

this post was submitted on 26 Jun 2023

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