I hear you. I still disagree. Congratulations on the surgery and I am sorry for the side effects.

We do not pretend to trust anarchists. They are at best temporary allies to Marxism-Leninism, or better yet they cease to call themselves anarchists and pursue an actual, practiced method of achieving socialism.

I recommend Stalin's writings on anarchism and why "left unity" is a myth that Marxist-Leninists do not adhere to.

No Marxism-Leninist would turn their guns on anarchists unless it was in self-defense, like Makhno's band of pillagers devastating rural communities under the guise of "liberation" (basically setting them up for slaughter) or the Kronstadt sailors violent antisemitism.

Anarchists joined Mao in droves. They ceased being anarchists and in many cases simply joined the 'left' wing of the party. There are constantly debates about how and when the state should begin to be dismantled. It's usually a far longer process than anyone would like, but at least there's a means and an end, rather than an end with no means, as is common in anarchist thinking.

I used to consider myself an anarchist but then I read about the Red Guards in China and how many abuses they got away with... because lack of technology and reach made party oversight basically impossible. This is always the effect of too much decentralization too quickly, violent ambitious people weaponizing revolutionary facades to garner power and commit violence. There must be some form of centralized power structure to ensure the rights of the people are being properly maintained and their needs properly met.

As a parting recommendation, I suggest Engels' On Authority, assuming you have not read it. Personally, it shattered much of my anarchist thinking.

Best of luck with what you're going through!

I’m less than 2 months out of having my genitals inverted surgery

Which is something that has been covered by Cuba's free healthcare program since 2008 while governments in the West are passing legislation to undermine trans people's rights.