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this post was submitted on 24 Aug 2026
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entering my flat multiple times without my consent/knowledge and not leaving when asked to (thanks for the 3h meltdown where I was completly locked inside my brain and couldnt do anything but repeat a few words over and over and rock back and forth on the couch, really liked that one)
ignoring obvious signs of mental/neurological issues in their child (because somehow children cant have those??)
treating our relationship as something transactional
forcing me to do activities i really dont want to, trying to argue away my fears and thinking they "won" after i shut up
I might talk to them again if they write a letter apologizing for atleast something. I havent told them this and i realise that its kind of unfair to set a condition that the other party doesnt know about, but if they dont come to this conclusion themselves then it doesnt feel genuine to me. It really sucks because I have no other people to rely on (emotional and material) but it also kind of was like that before I stopped talking to them, because every favour needs to be repaid or might be used in an argument against me and every fear and concern is argued away.
edit: oh and i realise that some of this is my fault because i really am sometimes difficult to deal with and very stubborn and i try to take responsibility, but at the same time it often feels like I have to work with both of my hands tied behind my back and I wasnt given the tools as a child to do better.
None of its your fault, bro.
Its all theirs for their failure to get you the help you needed much earlier in life, and for being domineering shitbags.
You owe them nothing.
Thats very nice of you to say but I often think of them more as ill-equipped and overwhelmed. I dont hate them and I understand its really hard to reflect on your arguments if your opponent is a literal child who doesnt know better and is dependant on you. Ironicly I sometimes think the people who dont want children, because they are afraid of doing something wrong, would be the best parents but whatever.
That kinda tracks. Like how the people that should have power are the ones that don't want it.
Obviously I dont know if this is true but I believe many people who have kids just want a cute baby and the idea that their "tribe" continues in the world. when it turns out to be an actual person with needs beyond food and shelter, they become overwhelmed. And to be fair to my parents; I had most things i could have wished for and never lived in poverty, but humans are just way too complex that you can expect them to turn out just fine on their own.
My mum wanted kids because she was pretty heavily parentified when she was still a child herself, and was often put in the impossible situations like "I need to figure out how to feed my toddler younger brother who I am responsible for", which led to her having to teach him help her shoplift by hiding food when he was sitting in the shopping trolley at the supermarket. She wanted the opportunity to be the parent that she wished she could've had.
That's certainly a more noble goal than simply wanting to continue one's family line, but there's still a deep immaturity to it in hindsight. Her childhood left her pretty thoroughly fucked up, and you can't move on from that kind of trauma just by deciding to be better. Healing requires a lot of support, time and effort. Although she did infinitely better than her parents did, her baggage ended up bringing a lot of toxicity to my teenage years, and our relationship was permanently harmed by that. Some of her most toxic traits were as a result of overcorrecting after deciding that she wanted to be nothing like her parents had been.
Yes, the bloodline and cute baby thing is probably a cope on my end. There are tons of reasons why someone might or might not want kids. I dont know why my parents had children because I never asked.
they would 100% be better parents, because they are already so concerned about the childs welfare that they are terrified of harming it.
unlike pieces of shit like the parents being talked about here.
I understand that you need to vent and I dont know if you are talking about my parents or yours or just the thread in general, but just in case please dont call my parents that. they are very flawed people yes and they didnt do what they should have, but I havent written everything in my first post and for all you know I could be lying (conciously or subconciously). They tried (maybe their best) but it wasnt enough. Sometimes it just doesnt work out. It just sucks that you, I and the other people in this thread in similar situations have to deal with the fallout.