This is something I have dealt with in my life. Not your exact circumstances but paternal abandonment. I’ll just say this - don’t hide from your feelings. Feel them and cry it out. Again and again. Once you’re rid of any resentment, forgive him. Doesn’t have to be to his face, it’s the act of you letting go, for good. After that, you’re free.

The twisted part of my story is after I did all that I found out he wasn’t even my real father. But the healing was real. You don’t need to impress anyone, especially your parents.

And finally I’ll just say - people deal with their own fear in strange ways. It’s possible he couldn’t deal with losing a child so he decided to run away from it. Not a good excuse but people have their own issues sometimes. Imagine if he showed up on all kinds of drugs and made you really hate him instead of just confused abandonment/resentment.

I’ve over shared. I’m sorry to feel the need to impress upon someone who is unworthy of your affection. Spend your energy where its reciprocal.