It depends on where it comes from. There is a defeatism that comes from my cynicism, but there is also the existential dread lying awake at night that I deal with as well.

I’m curious about what specifically it is stemming from? In your post you mention feeling aged out in an industry you have become extremely accustomed to. Do you feel like your value is very much driven by what you do? If you were to be aged out and eventually replaced do you feel like a large part of yourself would be missing?

In regards to how often I experience dread, it can be an every day thing. But it depends on what it comes from. There is the dread from feeling powerless to change my environment or culture I am in, but I have found personally that living to bring joy in the small things helps with that. If the dread is from questioning my purpose if there even is one, it’s the same line of thinking for me as before.

I have no clue if that provides any value but I hope you find peace amidst what you’re going through.