This should be part of a show called: Trolling European or actual American?

I know some Americans who would readily call cake "bread". But they know that it's not great and contains too much sugar and/or molasses.

Bread is water, flour and salt; perhaps some oil to keep it moist and maybe fancy stuff like carrots or seeds. But never sugar. There's already sugar hidden everywhere else. No need to add it to a staple food aswell.