During a health episode of mine that involved a headache and inflammation, I was irritable. My spouse was trying to pull out what she did wrong. I exploded at her saying "I already said I'm barely holding jt together and irritable. It's not you. Stop coregulating off of me".

I only had words for that from my stint with therapy... my spouse took the day to herself and has made a good pattern when I am not her anchor. I think it has been good for both of us.