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Anyone notice how all (well intentioned) advice for autistic people is just "mask harder"? (lemmy.ca)
submitted 20 hours ago by sveltecider@lemmy.ca to c/autism@lemmy.world
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What the title says. Well intentioned, often other "neurodivergent" people look at your life, your autism, and say: "you should mask harder."

For example, I accidentally said something that offended a friend. Won't go into detail, but it was me unintentionally coming off as arrogant, not something bad like a slur or hate speech.

I asked for advice (elsewhere) and the advice was universally, "you see, NT avoid this topic at all costs. Going forwards, know it is best to avoid this topic."

But isn't this just saying "mask harder and be more palatable for everyone else"?

Every piece of "autism advice" I see even in "neurodivergent friendly" communities is basically "how to be less autistic."

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[-] eksb@programming.dev 5 points 11 hours ago

The problem is that the rules for being "polite" and "tactful" are seemingly arbitrary and impossible to understand.

I know there are facial expressions you are supposed to make in certain situations to make your words work as polite, but I cannot consistently figure out how to do it.

[-] ChexMax@lemmy.world 2 points 3 hours ago

I'm sure this is an inappropriate question, but out of curiosity, are you a man or a woman?

I'm just always curious with this because women are typically diagnosed later or not at all because women figure out masking earlier and better.

I wonder if it's purely self preservation on the part of women or if women are more explicit in social rules with one another?

[-] eksb@programming.dev 1 points 1 hour ago

I am a man.

I think I might be agender though. I find gender roles as confusing and arbitrary as all the other social rules.

[-] RebekahWSD@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago

As an autistic woman, it's been self preservation for me. Other non autistic women have not been explicit about the rules. Quite the opposite lol.

this post was submitted on 09 Mar 2026
187 points (100.0% liked)

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