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I'm a trans man. I didn't realize how broken men are
(newsweek.com)
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this post was submitted on 12 Aug 2023
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Men's Liberation
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I’m a white, cis, heterosexual American male. I’m supposed to be privileged in every way, feel endlessly guilty over things I cannot control and try not to perpetuate, and never, ever dare suggest any kind of dissatisfaction with my situation.
I wouldn’t know how to express my feelings the way the author has. I’d feel like a misogynistic neckbeard, callous racist, or ungrateful whiner. If, somehow, I didn’t feel these things, someone would quickly, loudly, and condescendingly remind me that I should. They’d then be applauded for putting me in my place.
I can’t thank the author enough for writing this article.
Why are you supposed to e.g. "feel endlessly guilty over things you cannot control"?
Yeah, just because we're encouraged to understand our privilege doesn't mean we're supposed to feel guilty about it. That doesn't serve anyone.
"Check your privilege" has only ever meant that people want others to understand how situations and histories might be different. White guilt is a thing white people made up to make it about them.
Fortunately, it’s not anger in my case. It’s “just” poor self esteem and a tendency to feel guilt for things that I know (rationally, at least) aren’t my fault.
You’re completely right. It doesn’t serve anyone, but the feeling is there anyway. I have a history of feeling guilty about stuff that’s not my fault.
People who share some of my characteristics have historically done, and are currently doing, absolutely horrible things. Empathy with the victims isn’t enough for some. I’m part of the problem simply by being born, until I prove otherwise.
I can’t blame people who feel some suspicion and resentment, either. It’s justified.
Again: who is saying that? I'm sure there are some people who do, but in my experience that's a really tiny minority. And the majority of texts I read about e.g. (male) privilege explicitly state that being privileged does not mean you're guilty or a bad person.
I mean yeah, I can understand why a women might prefer to walk on the other side of the street from me at night. It hurts of course, but I understand it. That doesn't mean I need to feel guilty about it though.
What I’m saying is confusing and irrational. I appreciate that you’re trying to understand.
I know that what I feel isn’t healthy or productive. It doesn’t make sense, but it sticks with me.
I'm not American but the minister for Family/Sexual Violence in my country publicly said that "it is white, cis men" who "cause[s] violence in the world". Was pretty gutted to find out that my ex (cis woman) treating me like shit is entirely my own fault according to the MP who is supposed to represent all victims of family, sexual, and relationship violence.
Honest question, what're your thoughts on the racial reparations discussion? I was surprised to hear that it exists tbh, mostly cause of how impossible it seems as a target. But my understanding is that there are people getting some real attention saying that white people should give enough money that they can't pay their bills to make up for their privilege.
I haven't heard of it. In Germany there is some discussion about reparations for societies colonized by Germany, the genocides against the Herero and Namaqa and every once about further reparations for the Nazi crimes - all of which make a lot of sense to me, especially the former two as they haven't received any significant reparations that I know of.
But that doesn't mean you have to feel guilty. That's, usually at least, not what people are asking for either. Guilt isn't helpful.
Being aware of the social systems we live under, the power structures those systems create, and the blind spots we might have. That's what's being asked for.
No, it isn’t helpful. Part of that guilt comes from not being able to do enough. Yeah, I try to learn as much as possible, but that only goes so far. I’m not rich. I’m not powerful. There’s so much injustice that I want to change, but can’t.
I know logically that guilt is useless, but the feeling persists.
Because of things our ancestors did long ago that has nothing to do with us right now as people.
Yup. Exasperating, I know. It isn’t reasonable or healthy, but I feel that way anyway.
Those people are racist, sexists. If they didn't have you to target, they'd find another group. Don't give them the time of day.