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Selfhosted
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I've been using Hetzner boxes for my backups, although I did need to send them a copy of my id, which may or may not fit the paranoia thing.
Of course, encryption is always worth it.
They never asked me for that (UK here). Was up and running with just the basics in minutes. Are you on a list? ๐
They do have a waiting/payment cycle period on their server offering before they'll open mail ports. Once you qualify, you still need to raise a ticket to ask. That was a bit annoying as my new ISP is stricter with the ports than prior, meaning I had to wait before my relay workaround could send mail.