this post was submitted on 29 Nov 2025
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Mildly Infuriating
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So are leaky tires.
And throwing stones at people.
Tigers, too. Probably.
I didn't know you could inflate tigers.
You can inflate anything at least once
Chatgpt, how do I inflate a tiger?
Sure, I can help with that!
First off, I think you might have been confusing "tiger" with a "cougar".
A cougar is commonly referenced as an older lady with an above average sex drive, usually single and "on the prowl".
To inflate a cougar it is generally recommended to first offer them 3 or 4 strong alcoholic cocktails. Once the cougar has consumed them they are generally more receptive to general flirtations such as -
"Wow, I can't believe you're single!"
Or
"I love your leopard print pants, they look great!"
If those don't seem to work you can always try the popular -
"I've never been with an older woman"
Although I recommend this final one as a last resort, as the cougar might perceive this as a criticism on her advanced age, causing her to feel bad about the grown children she has that never call anymore, or remind her that gravity has long since conquered her bodies will. However, many cougars will take this as an instinctual cue to educate you in their no doubt extremely extensive knowledge in the act of one night stands and sexual gratification.
Once the cougar has been properly inflated the possibilities are numerous, though not endless.
Tips - if successful, be sure to have an Uber ride ready for the cougar to take her back to her territory before either you or they have sobered completely. This will ensure both your safety and hers in the event the harsh realities of existence happen to become clear again.
Always make sure the cougar doesn't come in contact with you outside of these circumstances, as it can be humiliating for both you, and her children (should they happen to call).
Is there anything else I can help you with?
Please, god no.
I’ve got nipples Greg, could you inflate me?
How about throwing stones at tigers?
That can be done at least once. Maybe more, depending on preparedness and speed. Keep me updated.