I feel you. Certain professions have an emptiness to them because you don't know if what you do matters.

I did about 15 years as a medic in a rural area. And while the saying is "You work on family and friends", I often had no clue if the people I scraped up and treated in the back of my bus lived or died. Once I dropped them at the ER, that was it. It was just a black hole that I could very rarely get a glimpse into. It left a real empty spot inside not knowing if what you did mattered.

So, go home tonight, pour a whisk(e)y and do what I did-- pretend it does.