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submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by x4740N@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

Edit: I didn't actually think I'd need to put this here but unfortunately I think those kinds of people are here

Bigots are not welcome on my post and they are certainly not welcome on my post to co-opt it to spread bigotry

I am progressive myself and support human rights and LGBTQ+ people

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[-] TonyOstrich@lemmy.world 3 points 7 months ago

I have a lot of first hand experience with it via dating. In terms of outward Appearance and how I present I am an average looking straight cis white male. Mentally, in addition to being on the spectrum, that's not really how I identify or am wired though. If anything, I'm probably more lesbian based on who I seem to get along with and am attracted to, lol.

As I am sure we are all (hopefully) aware there are a lot of men with very problematic behaviors (which is an entire other complex topic). As a result, within the liberal sphere I exist in it is very socially acceptable to shit on or otherwise have a negative bias against people that present like I do in a way that would not be acceptable if it were against another social group because of what they are.

I have had a number of interactions and conversations where my point of view/input/feelings/etc. were more or less dismissed or ignored by women when if I were a woman saying the exact same thing it wouldn't be. I have also had people flat out say "that's a very man thing to say" as a when what I am saying conflicts with their world view or how they feel and they can't engage with it logically anymore.

Please note, I am leaving a ton of intricate context out of the above to try and avoid having to write a novel. I understand why women have the bias/reaction towards men who present like I do, and why it's necessary. In the examples I am thinking of, these are women who know me, not strangers or randos. When discussing things I do my absolute best to have conversations in good faith and on the merits/logic of what is being said.

I don't like pulling the autism card or saying that's just how I feel, but I find that people are so unused to interacting with someone like me, rather than engage in the nuance of my experience and how it very much contradicts their world view, it's much easier for them to find a reason to be dismissive of it. I also realize that from a third party perspective without any context my autistic behavior is indistinguishable from gas lighting.

this post was submitted on 13 Oct 2025
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