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As annoying as this was, I did get to live out one of my petty fantasies: I had grabbed a coloring sheet for my toddler with some crayons, so I left a nice little note telling this guy that he could now practice staying inside the lines.
It is not. Theft requires intent to permanently deprive. It is, however, joyriding and most states have a statute against that.
Whatever it is, I'm not risking it. I'm going to leave a passive aggressive note instead of possibly committing major crime.