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this post was submitted on 07 Oct 2025
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No Stupid Questions
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No such thing. Ask away!
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Depression struggled with me for several years, I lost my ability to recall events which happened in my life. I had knowledge of my life's events, but I wasn't able to actually recall any of them. My son's birth, my parents' faces, etc. I felt dead inside and considered myself already dead, even if my mortal coil still churned on like some kind of pale imitation of life.
Anyway, one day, a traumatic event from my past resurfaced itself, and I was forced to confront it. After that, I slowly began regaining my memories which had been locked away. I made the choice to leave an abusive relationship, I reconnected with my loved ones from my earlier life. I still sometimes hear the whisper in my ear to end it all, but it's not as persistent, not as loud. I can touch the memory of the trauma without feeling like a pit just opened within me.
I guess what I'm saying is, I was dead when I lost my memories, and when I got them back, I am alive again.
I hope this doesn't sound trite, given that I'm just a random stranger on the internet, but I'm proud of you. Whilst I haven't experienced depression in the way that you describe, I know how suffocating of an experience it is. It takes a tremendous amount of strength to endure that, especially when there are concrete life circumstances exacerbating things, as you describe. I am glad that you get to be alive again; you deserve it.