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this post was submitted on 02 Oct 2025
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I have wondered if there's something useful to do if an apparent relative is making someone visibly uncomfortable in public, or if a stranger's attention would just lead to more abuse later.
I was eating at a fast food place once and saw what seemed to be a mom who was really angry with her daughter. The kid didn’t seem to be doing anything wrong in the moment but everything she did was wrong to the mom. It looked like an abuse situation but also seemed like something where I’d make it a lot worse for the kid later if I’d tried intervening in the moment. I also didn’t feel comfortable being a guy around 40 trying to talk to a preteen/early teen girl by myself; that could easily be made to look bad and again not help the situation. I’m still not sure what, if anything, I could’ve done to help the kid. I still feel bad for her, can’t imagine treating a kid the way her mom was.
Yeah, I had a similar situation in my 20s, younger kid (6-10?), on a road trip in another country. Nothing that would be individually extreme enough to feel intervention was necessary or that overtly established something else going on the rest of the time, but the vibes were off-the-charts bad and I assumed that, if anything, it had to be even worse away from public scrutiny. The kid was really trying, and honestly was taking it better than I was, just as a bystander, though maybe some of it flew past her. I wasn't in a state to take over driving after that, and it actually kinda messed me up for a few days. I don't think it was a situation I'd have the skill to mediate if I did gather myself enough to jump into it, let alone whether any sort of bystander intervention would have a net positive impact. Still don't know what I would or could do if something like that happened again.
I just taught my daughter to simply speak up for herself. If she feels uncomfortable she needs to make it known immediately, loudly and often. Seems to be working because when I make shitty dad jokes she doesn't hesitate to tell me I am not funny
Being a very visible observer is often enough, if you can handle the potential heat if the (maybe) asshole realizes they look like a piece of shit and decides verbally berating you might turn you into the belligerent in people's eyes. Just coughing loudly, and if they look around, then be visibly watching them can cause them to stop because they realize they're under public scrutiny.
Ultimately, you can't stop or be responsible if it gets worse out of the public eye, but you can help stop it then.