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submitted 1 month ago by dandelion to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

Politeness norms seem to keep a lot of folks from discussing or asking their trans friends questions they have, I figured at the very least I could help try to fill the gap. Lemmy has a decent trans population who might be able to provide their perspectives, as well.

Mostly I'm interested in what people are holding back.

The questions I've been asked IRL:

  • why / how did you pick your name?
  • how long have you known?
  • how long before you are done transitioning?
  • how long do you have to be on HRT?
  • is transgender like being transracial?
  • what do the surgeries involve?

For the most part, though, I get silence - people don't want to talk about it, or are afraid to. A lot of times the anxiety is in not knowing how to behave or what would be offensive or not. Some people have been relieved when they learned all they needed to do is see me as my gender, since that became very simple and easy for them.

If there are trans people you know IRL, do you feel you can talk to them about it? Not everyone is as open about it as I am, and questions can be feel rude, so I understand why people would feel hesitant to talk to me, but even when I open the door, people rarely take the opportunity.

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[-] argarath@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

I know this is the place to ask but I still feel shy so I'm sorry first-hand. I've read that people transitioning with estrogen seem to get an increased libido than when they just had their testosterone libido, but did change how frequently you want to do that self indulgence to get a release or is it around the same frequency, just more intense desire? Also, did that make any changes to how you want your partner to touch you? Not just about foreplay, but where the actual play would be. Last question is did your prostate get more sensitive to stimulation from anal stuff or did it not change/got less sensitive? Sorry if this is too personal

[-] traceur301 6 points 1 month ago

I think this is all extremely variable from person to person and can't really be generalized, including the libido thing. Transition brings unusually deep change, including to sexuality, but the way it plays out is extremely individual

[-] dandelion 4 points 1 month ago

+1, all of it is very individual and your mileage may vary

There are some patterns or common ways people are (like, it's not exactly surprising when a trans woman doesn't want to top and take a penetrative role in sex), but there is so much variation it's best not to assume.

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this post was submitted on 24 Aug 2025
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