have you been to a psychiatrist, ideally more than one? Done any research yourself beyond just the depression?

Yes. Quite a few at this point. A few that just diagnosed and managed medications, but then there was also a clinic that did a brain scan to try to help figure things out, this is where I learned I was also autistic, but that didn't really lead to anything useful. I also went to try TMS and Ketamine. Lately I thought that I might have ADHD, so I went to go get tested for that, but they decided that wasn't it even if I did have some attention problems, they were just more related to the depression symptoms. After that, I've started doing ECT. I'm still in the early stages, but I'm starting to get to the number of treatments where people supposedly start feeling it helping and they of course ask me every time I go and I just never know what to say. I can't really tell if I feel any different. At some point if it's not helping I'm gonna have to stop because this is easily the most painful, disruptive treatment I've had so far. At least with the Ketamine I was basically just zonked out listening to music for like an hour. The ECT involves going to a hospital that's like a half an hour away, not eating for 8 hours, not drinking for 2 hours, getting a needle stuck in my arm for anesthesia, then getting my brain zapped. I feel like shit the rest of the day. So if it's not working, more than any other medication or treatment I've had, I need to end it. But I don't want to miss my chance at what feels like the last thing that might help.