It's difficult to say what was just conforming or if there was at any point genuine belief in the child form of me.

I remember that as a small child I was already confused. I kept asking question like how genesis and the big bang fit together, and how we could know god was listening to any prayers, how it could be true that someone dead was not dead afterwards etc. My parents are religious in a passive European way, but they are okay with playing god of the gaps, so they never lied about the world to me for the benefit of religion.

I did have my first communion event at the age of 8 or 9. I don't think there was any choice by me involved. The ceremony was terribly and embarrassing as hell. But it was just something that we did.

Then came the religious classes that happened after normal classes in secondary school (starting grade 7, age 12) once a week. I remember we had to fill out a worksheet on the topic of the period between the protagonist rising from the dead and ascending and how he visited people in between. One question at the end asked if we believed in this account. I wrote something with a childlike sense of diplomacy. Something like I believed in god but not that a dead person can come back to life as reported here. Nobody ever said anything about that to me though.

Not too long after my mother allowed me to withdraw from the rest of those classes, recognising they were fairly pointless, and not even well done for their goal. A few years later, I think when I was 14 or so, we were invited to begin the "road to our confirmation", which meant attending church a certain number of times and maybe helping out with church activities. I never participated, it was clear to me at this time that I simply wasn't buying any of it.

Around 16 or so I started calling myself an atheist, having become aware of that term. Only at the age of 20 did I finally do the paperwork for formally leaving the catholic church so those child fuckers and their defenders wouldn't get any taxes from me.

Overall I'm leaning to "no"