Ya I understood what you meant and it would be insane of me to legitimately think I'm the only one in this situation.

I've worked through a lot of cptsd to reprogram myself to take my own emotions into consideration. Parents have a huge effect on their kids. I was subconciously drawn towards people who reminded me of what was familiar, my parents, which most people couldn't be paid enough to deal with long term. I was constantly told by them and their "friends" that my job is to take care of them, that is why I was brought into this world. When your brain is still malleable, you tend to believe things as they are presented.

Yes I do try to only seek out people who I aspire to be like now but it's not always easy to figure out who someone truly is. Constant struggle between being forgiving and recognizing red flags for what they are.

I changed careers and cut off nearly everyone I was "friends" with prior to understanding what kind of people I was attracting with my personality. I do things that I want and enjoy now, I just don't know how to recharge my social battery back to where it was. If it's even possible.