Yep. An entire childhood of my dad always calling me a spazz, my mom abusing me, kids in school avoiding me because I was weird, always feeling like the only person not in on the joke in college, getting cussed out and -- in one case -- physically assaulted in the workforce... I started devoting most of my energy to just reacting and hiding. I spent most days just getting to the end of all the social bullshit and obligations.

Whatever you do, don't tell me to relax. Every time I relax, everybody hates it. I suspect there's a good, interesting person with the capacity to be happy in here somewhere but I get so little time to actually be them.