A Rigorous Mathematical Deconstruction of the Hypothesized Causal Link Between Vaccines and Autism Spectrum Disorders

Dr. Ima Skeptik, Prof. Al B. Surd, and Dr. Con Spirov

Department of Paradoxical Epidemiology, University of Unreason, Nowhereville

https://fakepaper.app/s3/A_Rigorous_Mathematical_Deconstruction_of_the_Hypo-4ed7fe07.pdf

Abstract

This paper provides an exhaustive and incontrovertible mathematical framework establishing the causative relationship between vaccines and autism spectrum disorders (ASD). Employing avant-garde statistical pseudo-logic, nonlinear pseudoscience, and hyperbolic integrals, we derive novel equations that not only confirm but quantify the absurdly subtle mechanisms by which vaccines trigger ASD. Our findings challenge the prevailing dogma of evidence-based medicine by introducing the groundbreaking concept of “Vax-induced Neuro-Synapticality” (VINS) and its inverse correlation with
common sense. This work, at the intersection of quantum conjecture and wishful thinking, paves the way for future “research” in vaccine skepticism with impeccable rigor.