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Weird. I'm not saying you're lying, but besides the registration email, and onboarding welcome email, I can't think of any others I've received from Tailscale. In fact, I just did a search of my email client, and those were the only ones I've received.
I do believe my experience in this regard is not representative of everyone, I probably failed to untick some checkbox (regarding communications) and the "too many ad emails" are a handful (in 3 months), which to me is a handful too much (having to untick a box should not be necessary)
That's cool. I don't like spam either. You are correct in that you should have to opt in instead of opt out.