cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ml/post/26365993
I'm the quiet, introverted one and I may be on the spectrum. I like to do my job and go home. I hate drama and drama queens and ignore people when they start gossiping. Many extroverts find that offensive and talk behind my back like teenagers do. This stupid drama is the only reason why I quit my job after finding a new one.
I agreed to stay 4 weeks with the company because some coworkers are actually grown ups, it is a breeze to work with them and I can use their experience to be a better professional.
Back to the immature ones: Past me would ignore their sarcastic and passive aggressive comments, which took a toll on me but now I have nothing to lose and I couldn't care less what they think of me, meaning I started to answer back using their same tone and so sarcastically and passive aggressively as them: they yell at me accusing of doing something on purpose, I politely tell them to calm down and to seek help.
Most of my coworkers are women. Since I started answering back and being a jerk, they toned their b%tchiness way down, it is more pleasant to work here now.
I don't understand why my coworkers treat me with some respect now that I'm being a jerk and I hate I have to be a jerk to be treated with a modicum of respect. I don't know if I'm wrong but I think they have an idea of what a man is supposed to be and now that I fit their definition of a man, they leave me alone because they see in me something familiar to them.
I find it sad I have to be an ass to be treated with respect and I hope to find a workplace where I can be myself and work with no drama.
Is this something that's going to happen no matter where I work?
That is something a hr manager would say. No need to realign my thinking at all. Thank you. I've tried too many times to get out of my shell because I've been told to. And guess what, I don't tick that way because me, I'm an actual real introvert and have learned my lesson.
Ha, no I'm definitely not, and have never been, an HR manager. It's just one of those lessons I've learnt over multiple decades of working in an office and similar environments. The thought realigning is just to realise that you're not trying to "placate" others, or do them a favour by granting them your time, but you're actually helping yourself as being part of the 'in' group, even if you're then quiet can make life a lot smoother. I've found people a lot more accommodating once they know me well enough to know I'm not being hostile reserved, so much as just quiet and focused reserved. It usually doesn't take more than a few minutes per day of saying hi and maybe listening to their excitement about the latest sportsball results before people sort of mentally tick you off as being part of the group.
I'm not trying to say it's easy, it's not. It's not particularly enjoyable to begin with either, but as you get into the habit of it and expect to spend x minutes per day conversing with people, it gets less difficult. Also, just listening with an occasional "uh huh" goes a surprisingly long way, people always appreciate a listener, and that way you don't have to do much talking.
I'm not so sure myself. I want to be me and choose who I open up to but sadly this society is run by extroverts. Not many of them understand that some people work better in silence and are not interested in their lives. They act like I hate them but what I feel is indifference. Some of them are reeeeally thin skinned.
I guess I could play a small social experiment and see how people react before I change workplaces and decide if I can keep placating people this way?
Notice that I get along with some coworkers. With them I don't need to play theatrics. It's the loud, yelling ones the ones that grind my gears and make me want to run for life.