cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ml/post/26365993
I'm the quiet, introverted one and I may be on the spectrum. I like to do my job and go home. I hate drama and drama queens and ignore people when they start gossiping. Many extroverts find that offensive and talk behind my back like teenagers do. This stupid drama is the only reason why I quit my job after finding a new one.
I agreed to stay 4 weeks with the company because some coworkers are actually grown ups, it is a breeze to work with them and I can use their experience to be a better professional.
Back to the immature ones: Past me would ignore their sarcastic and passive aggressive comments, which took a toll on me but now I have nothing to lose and I couldn't care less what they think of me, meaning I started to answer back using their same tone and so sarcastically and passive aggressively as them: they yell at me accusing of doing something on purpose, I politely tell them to calm down and to seek help.
Most of my coworkers are women. Since I started answering back and being a jerk, they toned their b%tchiness way down, it is more pleasant to work here now.
I don't understand why my coworkers treat me with some respect now that I'm being a jerk and I hate I have to be a jerk to be treated with a modicum of respect. I don't know if I'm wrong but I think they have an idea of what a man is supposed to be and now that I fit their definition of a man, they leave me alone because they see in me something familiar to them.
I find it sad I have to be an ass to be treated with respect and I hope to find a workplace where I can be myself and work with no drama.
Is this something that's going to happen no matter where I work?
Yes, i've made more or less the same experiences.
I tended to be shy, kind and gentle when i was a child/teenager. My mother always pressured me to "make more noise", which just means, be more rude. Another girl in my class that kinda liked me also informed me that i would have to be "more self-conscious", what i interpret as "more arrogant". I hate it.
Funnily enough, now that i have adapted to society and tend to treat other people a bit more roughly in general, and try not to be "too friendly", people call me out on that again and ask me to "show more respect".
TL;DR: People are assholes; Ignore 90% of what they say, if possible. Just be yourself. It's the best person you could possibly be.
I'm surprised to see that your post has been upvoted. Usually the shy, quiet ones are mistaken for arrogant jerks and get bullied and downvoted by the extroverts.
I'm actually conflicted because on one hand I want to be me, my freedom above everything else, I choose my friends and the people I open up to and otoh I wonder if I should play theatrics for short bursts of time (like 2 minutes) to placate some coworker's fragile egos.
My teenager self with my parents were like yours: open up, talk more, you are not normal (yup, my father told me that). They bullied me and I tried that for a week, extremely tiring and ridiculous to talk to them about stupid sh*t I don't care about just to please the needy extroverts, but obviously I would go back to my normal self, because they are so tiring. My parents didn't respect me, same as these needy coworkers now.
It doesn't make any sense trying to change a person's personality. So sad that extroverts feel we do this because we hate them.
I still don't know what the ideal solution is, or if there's an ideal solution.
thanks for your post and good luck to you.
we gotta keep trying :)
is my opinion at least