Idk I don't quite remember

Like I remember its just... utter confusion...

Like, imagine watching a show in a different language, or anime, and you had no subs or dubs

Idk what I was doing I was kinda just staring into space most of the time in class

Luckily, Cantonese is a common language in the US, because immigration from GuangZhou is common, so teachers just found a US born, second-generation immigrant kid that speaks Cantonese to translate, and there were a lot of those (and Mandarin would've been fine for me too, I went through 1-2nd grade in China).

I was like usually one of the first few to solve problems in math, if not the first, but english sucked (for obvious reasons), and writing sucked, especially when you have to write a story (as in, creative writing) with zero guidelines.

But still, school sucked, I never felt belonging.

The US-born chinese-american kids wouldn't even talk to me (outside of like just translating stuff). The English-only kids definitely have a hard time trying to talk to me. I basically had zero friends. Maybe like one or two "acquaintances" that speak Cantonese/Mandarin, with occasional "Ni Hao" from the English-only kids (I felt like they were mocking me tbh).

I think it only took like 2 years for me to learn the basics of English, but like, still missing a lot of vocabulary. Like, even 3-4 years later, I still didn't even know what the spiral metal bouncy thing commonly found inside a pen was called in English, until someone said a "Spring" and I was like, a what? The Season? And they had to describe it to me. And that just one instance where I know a concept and the word to describe it in Chinese, but don't have the word in English.

(And I didn't get a phone or some translator tool, and my parents were strict on computer usage time, so I never use the internet to learn anything. Like why learn when time is limited either way, might as well spend every second play video games. Thanks, strict parenting!)

Eventually, I stop needing anyone to translate anything. But later, even when I move on to middle school and high school, I still don't feel belonging.

Like the US-born Chinese-Americans kids have more in common with other (non ethnic-Chinese) American kids, than an immigrant like me. Even though, my English has now become better than either Cantonese or Mandarin. So now there are some Mandarin-only kids which I also don't feel anything in common with, since they don't speak English, and my Mandarin sucks worse than Cantonese (kinda like the reverse roles of when I first came here lol).

So yea, that's the story of why I don't have friends. I don't know if I said everything coherently (due to depression, not because my English sucks lol 😅), ask if you need clarification.