It starts with acknowledging to them that you're beginning to realize that your view of reality is different, shaped by your experience, and you can't viscerally understand theirs, but you want to try. That the burden of explanation shouldn't be on them, but you appreciate when they are willing to do so. This part should initially be done when you're not in the middle of arguing/discussing. But in your own mind you should return to it when you are, and ask yourself, and then her, "what am I missing or misunderstanding, what context am I not seeing to help me better hear what she's saying?"

And if she gives up, doesn't want your solution, realize that your empathy may be all the solution she's looking for from you. Especially if it's something external, like a problem with her boss. You telling her what you think she should do about it would just add pressure on her, and probably wouldn't fit with all the nuances of their dynamic. (Just an example) Instead, reminding her you have faith in her strength and intelligence will help her respond in ways that feel right to her, even if it's not how you would have handled it.