Hi, it's me, a non extreme feminist! (We agree, except on the word never and always, so just read)

Sometimes it looks like extremes because in order to have equality, or equity, you have to change existing systems that promote the inequality and inequity. This to some may look like favouring the minority (power not number), when in fact it could just be trying to undo some of the damage. For example, changing a system that promotes men over women would involve maybe extra research into women's health, because studies almost always don't take into account that women's bodies are different. BMI was built for men, dosages for medication are typically figured out for men, etc. Same goes with other minorites, btw. This extra research may make a majority group member feel like the system is prioritising others to the detriment of their self, when in fact it's just trying to establish an equilibrium, as that research (from the example) is already there for them.

Now from people? Yes, you are right. Sometimes (you may say often or a hyperbolic always) adherents will be wrong about what feminism is. That's a struggle that the idea has to contend with just like every other movement. But feminism itself isn't about extremes of hate, though the systemic change to bring about feminist goals may feel extreme due to the scale of work to be done.