it just comes across as patronizing to say the only reason my hobbies don’t have traction here must be because I didn’t try hard enough.

It is absolutely patronizing for people to say that. And you are right to feel that way.

Maybe think about it like this. I collect and propagate one species of orchid as a hobby. Its an obscure species among orchids, which are relatively obscure plants among plant collectors, and plant collecting is a relatively obscure thing among people growing with and interacting with plants, which is a relatively obscure thing in the grand scheme of all things.

So lets assume a 5% conversion rate at every step: There are maybe 40k active users on lemmy?

So of 40k users about 2k are into plants.

Of the 2k users into plants in some manner, about 100 are into plant collecting.

Of the 100 users into plant collecting, maybe 5 are into collecting orchids.

And of the five users collecting orchids, I'm the quarter of one user who collects Vanilla planifolia and Vanilla planifolia var. tahitensis.

So if I acknowledge this, I've got a couple options. First, I could just start a vanilla community. But I really shouldn't expect other people to participate, because I recognize that I'm probably the only vanilla grower on all of lemmy. If I do that, I should probably think about it as a place more like a personal blog or place for me to record my story. And maybe over time, it can grow in popularity and get a following.

Alternatively, I can share my exploits on larger subs, like c/plants, where I'll probably do well because there are more users, and the content I'm sharing is interesting and unique because so few people are into/ do what I do.

So if you can adjust your exceptions, there absolutely is a place for you here. But we're the flea market to Reddit's mall of America approach. But remember, Reddit too started as a flea market. It was a place for internet weirdos with weird hobbies and senses of humor. But appreciate you'll be a lone diamond here, but that gives you a chance to stand out.