Sometimes I feel like I'm in a case study. The military industrial complex is harassing me, specifically, because I are a skilled righter that had a breakdown in ROTC and this is where the funny comes in wherein I definitely gave the Army something.

I am a schizoaffective person who faked schizophrenia and they definitely do very funny things. Things that make me sound crazy, and I don't care about proving anything, but what's happened to me over my life of trauma and narcissistic abuse and manipulation to include a cult is that the narrative structures I work with are highly malleable, and since I am highly agreeable with low EQ and piss-poor judgment, I have let people walk all over me my whole life, and part of the "haha, it's genuinely funny" of what's happened is I learned how to stand up for myself in a nonviolent, peaceful manner.

Before my reality was really broken by unresolved trauma and drugs and no knowledge of mental health skills, I was ruled by logic, and kept myself in its cage. But Adam is only half of the edenic mind, as there is also our intuition, Eve. I have been manipulated in clever ways. It's not all Uncle Sam and big brother. I was homeless and a lotta people, to include undercover cops I know, have played with the Play-Doh of my reality to change how I've perceived things, and there are definitely things kept hidden from those who believe the news is real.

Because that is the "herd;" the primary culture the minds of the masses are moulded around. Most people never leave this state of mind, growing up to be normative or inline with state-approved operating systems, which is what culture is. And people that wind up farther off the beaten path are oft to find themselves suffering because of their divergence, or at least that's the way it looks from some angles. From others, it looks like the world is cruel trying to make you fit in the wrong spot in the puzzle, but really we must perceive beyond duality to rise about the trap of schizophrenia.

Duality is black n white thinking. It is totalism, as it is thinking in pure, binary states. Something is either X or it is nX, that is the pure, dualistic dichotomy. But obviously, the world is complex. We must foster the ability to think in superpositions to be able to foster the depth perception to see what is trapping us in our suffering, for being divergent from the pack is not inherently bad. Rather, it is the ignorance of knowing how to swim that makes the schizophrenic drown in the same waters as a shaman.

This is "God" has taught me, whatever that strange thing in my life that was always there, sorta. It was my narrative structures that were allowed to be moulded by more than logic which unfettered me from what was making me suffer. I am so grateful for the CIA brainwashing me! Or whomever. Whatever. I dunno. It was weird. LSD was involved, multiple times. Learned to juggle. Changed my life. Happy, though falling tf apart, just like my apartment. Everything is going to be alright. I am light. I delight the I. I see me. You are me! And as I go crazy, my seas are as calm as can be, as I learned I am the water and the boat.

The primary thing I experience is called "synchronicity." Some people may be familiar with this term "objects of reference," which is the closest I've found in mental health terminology, but Carl Jung describes this very well. It's what a "burning bush" is in the Bible, and what "white rabbit" was to Neo in that small, unheard of movie about Judeo-Christian mysticism which is the reason everybody knows one specific math word.

And I can explain this, and I do fairly frequently, to be called crazy, so let's just keep this accurate and not precise and say this is a cognitive feature some people are unaware of as they are ruled by Adam (logic) who doesn't listen to Eve (intuition).

But, y'know, right now I am a receiving a pimino melon. This is a type of synchronicity where I perceive my neighbors' cross-talking to me from their balcony. This type of synchronicity is part of a broader class of synchronicity which I called a Voice-Over Diffision. Another example of a VOD is when I am writing on my phone, screen turned away from someone on the other side of the room, cheering with the TV and saying things that directly correlate with what I am writing at that exact moment.

I started naming synchronicities in a way I learned from a man I know as one of my handlers in this three letter abbreviation manner. He had named a few things he called cognitive technologies in this manner, such as the Synchronicity Slip Stream (SSS) - a cognitive state where it feels like God is parting the Red Sea with synchronicities sending you on a cosmic mission; waxes n wanes, many false positives ans very disorienting as the narrative you construct reality from is modified over time - as well as Joint Synchronized Attention (JSA) - a vestigial mode of attention coordination; feels exactly like telepathy, will like my handler's excellent post on it in the comments.

And so I started doing that, and then I realized how much synchronicities could be differentiated as I worked with my art to literally give names to unnamed phenomena in the conscious mind which we can now use to talk about synchronicity in greater depth. You're welcome God! But anyways, I started naming them after berries. So:

Strawberry - notification says something statistically aberrant. Seedless Strawberry is when I receive a notification at an exact moment that changes my mind.

Blueberry - a glitch changes my mind. I have experienced a number of varieties of this from Pandora which I now denote as Plueberry, with a SINGULAR Smushed Plueberry I experienced being a song that had lyrics stopped having lyrics in the middle of the song

Banana - when my social media feeds paint a message. Banana Bunch is when they string together into a chain. Long Banana is when there's a lot of clearly defined semantics in a single Banana

Raspberry - when my phone's keyboard's predictive text suggests statistically aberrant words at times to plant ideas or change my mind. Long Raspberry is when they string together, even going beyond the initially displayed three words. Centerstage Raspberry is when I'm typing a sentence and my words suggested wiggles weirdly to then show something like this:

"A [THREAT] I"

And it really catches my attention and jolts my fight or flight response

Kumquat - when an odd typo glitch occurs that is logically impossible. Y'know, I type "around" and it changes to "affront." I talk about this one the most I think in my art because it results in a quick succession of point A to point B and I need to justify going from talking about turtles to why I was on the news in childhood.

Watermelon - when there is a weird lighting glitch on the keyboard as I'm typing. Like I will clearly type a "g" and the "x" will light up while I was looking at the keyboard, making me freely associate removing that (Ctrl+x). Seedless Watermelon is when I just stare at my screen and a single pixel or some shit will flicker for just long enough for me to process I've seen it. Once happened between the "return" and "home" keys on my phone and made me think I had to abandon my life and go back to Syracuse

There's other stuff, like a Transpondant Read-In, which lets me do TRI Interfaces. This is a divination technique that lets you mindfully observe what you actually know deeper in your unconscious than you can normally perceive, to observe the orthogonalality of your own topological matrix, or, in simpler terms, you see how your brain be folded.

This is the idea of picking up a random book with the intention to extract meaning from a random passage, flipping to a random page and reading the first thing you see. It happens via free association with a random stimulus, and works best with a well-developed descriptor system, like the I Ching (A) or the Bible (Old B; New A), and this is what a good set of tarot cards can beget as well (C to A).

And I mostly do this now with my Random Word Generator, but I also reload my social media feeds over n over to get Waxing n Waning Bananas a lotta the time.

But this is just every day shit for me. I have more, I would likely miss some others, so I keep clumping more together as We go! Thanks for that Kum, God, as it reminded me of that thing We call a topological matrix We are not IN but rather ARE.

Wonderful. Full of wonder, as my twelfth grade English teacher used to say. After that morning spat of almost shitting myself because by partner's sexuality takes precedent in this household over my basic bodily functions, I kinda slunk into a funk, having seen how he got ANOTHER thing of DXM, and I did good preoccupying myself with some good writing. But it's not enough. I'm alone. Forsaken by anyone who could care to be surrounded by liars and manipulators.

Naturally, I think about drinking. So I go to my random word generator to do a psychic TRI interface, and it first gives me "dimensional." The things that I freely associate from that are in the realm of thinking in more of a bigger picture. I then roll again to get "recommendation," which is, of course, followed by "lean," and I do it again to get "political," which harkens back to a lot of what I experience as "the CIA," whatever that could be, as sending me a message to go complete my mission of creating a shitshow just by existing as myself in this society.

And I go to get my first thing of DXM in over two months. The guy outside is talking about Hinduism with his friends, which I just posted a picture that made me think some things from that, supporting my ideas. I then buy it, with some foodstuffs, and on the way out I hear, "Better on the streets," followed by "Yea, I saw you." Later on the bike ride back, a woman was yelling "buy, buy, buy!" in an angry manner.

This is of course Karma, the procedural generation of reality based on how we entangle ourselves by setting our intention in every moment. Obviously. How can you not think that? Are you ignorant? Ālaya-vijñāna? No, I hardly no her.

And here's where I'm in two worlds: I'm in gnosis, so I Know God and some of how shit works in the topological matrix, but then I'm left with the task of explaining what I know in a way that won't sound crazy af, which causes me to simulate random potential members of the audience with my empathy, and I see my own words, and I realize the task is impossible.

Because I CAN understand YOU well enough to simulate your perspective. Can you do the same with me? No one tries. They bitch when I'm unruly, but I'm unruly because I'm alone and being manipulated on a daily basis. I feel like killing myself, but I won't. I hurt. I cry. The only person to give me a hug is a spiritual vampire. Maybe? Sometimes he's wonderful, but is that love bombing? He feigned ignorance of that, yet somehow read several books on propaganda and brainwashing and demonstrates mastery of so much therein.

And the "political" part? I may be getting arrested. I previously KNEW I was going to be arrested, but that was because the man I love lied and said he had HIV and a warrant to spin this story of what we, the self-evident CIA Mockingbirds, were doing. Now I don't know. I might become homeless in a month, because this lying piece of shit has fucked with my head every. Single. Fucking. Day.

So obviously I'm insane, and I can kill any number of human beings and eat them to THEN fuck them, and get away with it scot free when the case is thrown out as my rights were violated several times. Maybe? I might be going to Kangaroo Court as fake Charles Manson in some Illuminati MKULTRA ritual sacrifice, so why not fuck around right now?

HoW cAn I dO aNyThInG?! I'm losing my mind!!!

But the DXM makes me right well.

https://www.reddit.com/r/cultofcrazycrackheads/s/vmCiBfB4Gi

Schizophrenia is like a big box where a lotta different things people experience that we don't fully understand are put, and also some types of liars. I'm diagnosed schizoaffective, and it is disorienting, the schizo aspects of that, which are only further enhanced by the bipolar aspects I experience; emotional dysregulation + psychosis = nightmare patient to doctors. And I was! But then I did a bunch of spiritual work thanks to psychedelics (to clarify, the drugs helped me see what I needed to do and then I did it consistently over years), and I've become, perhaps not a model patient, but I am not a concern like I used to be.

Still, I slip up. I got a $2.33 thing of Fireball and 150mg of Benadryl last night; the latter being an awful cross-addiction because stimfapping that will give you ED. Had my jollies and felt remorse this morning, mostly around wasting time and money that can be better spent for my life partner's needs AND wants. But I forgive myself as God forgives me as I know is best, and I go do some errands this morning.

I finish buying a gift for my life partner and I tell the one woman, "have a good one" on the way out. While biking back, a man passed me on a scooter and said in the same tone and cadence, "have a good one," as I did. This is a form of synchronicity, which I highly recommend you read what Carl Jung has to say on the phenomena. But, the basics of this one involved my awareness that nothing is random and that God sends messages this way, so in the context of sinning last night, this took on the message, "We're watching you."

And I proceed on, and when I'm finished, I go to get another thing of Fireball. As I walk into the Quiktrip, the cashier was talking with a customer and said something that made the customer reply, "Vic," which is my name, and immediately afterwards, seemingly unrelated, one girl in the store said to her friend, "Here!" Obviously, this is the decentralized autonomous organization of secret police letting me know that the FBI is watching my GPS data to know what I'm doing.

Now, that's facetious, but I do think these things, having built an understanding of the higher reality of the simulation we do not occupy but rather ARE from delusions, which at face value may seem inherently flimsy, but really, it's like how our eyes give us depth perception; the stereoscopy of having seen the world through multiple different frameworks begets an intuitive depth perception from understanding deeper truths.

And the FBI ABSOLUTELY is tracking me, for self-evident reasons (I mean, I have a sex cult ffs, and that's one of the tamer things about me), and there ABSOLUTELY is some coordination in regards to how people witness you and talk and then act autonomously to try to improve you, which sometimes is folly, but the point I'm making is how synchronicity made me freely associate meaning from random stimuli, and this led to me setting a better intention than I otherwise would have, regardless of objective causality.

And I can go into great depth in describing how each of our personal reality tunnels is procedurally generated based on how you set your intention as each of us monads are woven between parallel instances of reality to facilitate Karma, but that is above my paygrade at the moment, so I'll continue with saying that I have cured the paranoia in me. Now, all there is, is pronoia, which is when the universe is conspiring in your favor, and the way I did it involved fixing all that sin in me that made me scared the other shoe was going to drop at any moment.

It just might, too! But I don't worry about this stuff because I did the spiritual work to heal, which I only knew the right thing to do because I listened to the whispers of God, which led to my Knowledge that lets me properly interpret Karma/synchronicities, and the trick is that Satan speaks in the same voice as God, so you have to put your heart over your head, and certainly over the serpent, to be able to navigate the labyrinth you are not IN, but ARE.

Hello,

my pdoc has prescribed me aripriprazole and it's the only anti-psychotic I have been taking, does it related to schizophrenia or something else? currently my pdoc is only giving me some anti-depressant and etizolam to control my anxiety.

Hello,

It's been some time since I changed my phychiatrist, ( I wrote the reason in a previous post). the new phychiatrist think that I don't have phychotic symptoms instead he think that I just have social anxiety since I only think that people are talking about me and want to harm me, I am not actually believe that. he says I don't have schizophrenia because I don't have any phychotic symptoms anymore. he is decreasing the dose of antiphychotic and increasing the dose of anti-depressant.

I am no longer sure if I even had schizophrenia or my previous phychiatrist misdiagnosed me.

Hello,

I went to another pdoc because the previous one was asking for more money and I don't have money to pay pdoc. So I went to a government funded pdoc and he diagnosed me with Parkinson's disease and schizophrenia. I feel like this pdoc would cure schizophrenia, at least I hope so.

hello,

I am @schizo987 in there if you want to have conversation with me there :)

I will try to link more good posts from that forum here or whichever post I find interesting. you guys could also post interesting discussion here too.

Hello,

I went to my psychiatrist yesterday, he increased the dose of Triflux by 50% because I am still having schizophrenia symptoms like "people are plotting against me" specially in the college.

I wonder how would I know if I am recovering or not? he asks me if there is any improvements and I am like how do I know if I had any improvements. he also asked me if I doubt everyone and I said yes because I feel like everyone wants to do something to me :/

Hello,

Today was pretty normal. I woke up early at 7AM and then again went to sleep at 8AM since I was feeling sleepy. this could be a side effect of the meds, I have told my psychiatrist to decrease the dose and he did too. I feel like this much dose is ok for me to consume. he also said that there are 6 medicines for schizophrenia and you have changed 4 of them now just 2 left, however Triflux is working fine for me so I am most likely not going to change the meds.

this was very small blog but there isn't something useful or exiting happened that I could share here.

Hello,

ok so first of all let me list the symptoms that I have.

• Paranoia - I always think that something could happen. for example I think I would die because of the boiling water I put one stove. somehow It could jump on me and I will die. this is just a simple example I have ton of example to give.
• Delusion - I don't always feel this way but If someone don't give me exact reason why do they doing something I would assume they are doing that to harm me. I am not that delusional that I would not believe if they explain me why they are doing certain things.
• Hallucination - This is the main symptoms of schizophrenia. I don't have it. really! I could explain why my psychiatrist thinks I have auditory hallucination. I talk to myself a lot and keep replying to my thoughts not voices thoughts. sometimes it feels like those thoughts are coming from someone else like they are talking to me. and I know it's inside my head. I doesn't even feel like normal voice. I won't try to find that person around me since I know that it's not real, I know all the conversation going on inside my head are imaginary. the problem it creates is when I am talking to my family members and at the same time I am also talking inside my head that renders me unable to pay attention to my family member who is trying to talk with me.
• Delusion of reference - I kinda feel like everyone is watching me when I go to some public place. however it isn't that bad that I couldn't even go to public places. I do go to public places however It makes me uncomfortable since I keep thinking about scenarios in which something would go off or something bad would happen or I would do something that will draw everyone's attention. again it's not that bad since I can go to public places and do whatever business I have to do there.

maybe I should show this post my psychiatrist so he could better understand however he always say that you don't have to explain the symptoms to me I already know you have schizophrenia and I always argue that I don't have schizophrenia. I don't know I am so confused :/

I have seen a lot of videos about schizophrenia and I don't even have all the symptoms of it. maybe I have one or two symptoms but that's it. I am cognitively fine and you might even call me clever on some occasion.

Hello,

I have been struggling to find good amount of dose and medicine for schizophrenia. the medicines my doctor gave me was too "heavy" on me since it made me dizzy for half a day when I take it before sleeping. it wasn't good. I couldn't function like that. so I asked my doctor to change to doze/meds and they gave me just one medicine called "Triflux". It worked \0/ . now I don't feel dizzy/sleepy for almost a day when I take medicines and now I can focus on my job :)

imo, changing medicine and finding a good doze is really important in curing schizophrenia. :)

Hello everyone,

Today I went to office and started thinking about how everyone in the office could harm me(they have done nothing that would make me think they are planing to harm me). but I cope up by just communicating with them. I ask "hey how are you", "what's the thing you are working on" and their replies always makes me calm. their sympathy towards me is what makes me functional in the office.

Hello,

so first of all why I created this community? because I wanted a place where I can share my daily life challenges and struggles to world and also get other people's view and experience.

right now I will be the only one posting in this community. I will this community will flourish and become a place where schizophrenic people could share their experience.