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To be fair to our autistic women and enby comrades, Its pretty much always been autistic men, but still.

You have no idea how many times I've been like "hey dont say that, thats ableism/a slur" and them be like "get over it/grow a spine/just words" and when I confront them about the fact that i'm autistic they'll say "I am too, so what?".

Just look at my post history right now. There's one I'm arguing with right now.

it happens over and over.

I’ve honestly been doing my best to not categorize myself as completely neurodivergent and instead seeing it as a part of me (because I feel like sometimes it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy) but lately I’ve noticed I don’t really have the same interests as other NDs in my life.

Personality wise, I just can’t seem to be able to get into video games, anime, tv shows, movies, card games (magic the gathering for example) or really anything that most NDs find interesting. Of course, ND covers a wide umbrella so I’m mainly referring to some of the most (seemingly) common divergent neurotypes (ADHD and ASD).

I think this is what drives a lot of my loneliness, though I am curious whether others are able to relate 🥲 I genuinely try to get interested in some of the things I mentioned above, but I think what proves that I am not interested is the fact that most of those things feel like a chore (even though they’re supposed to be fun)

So I'm legitimately bipolar. Had some traumatic experiences in jails and mental hospitals. I was a high achieving reckless petty criminal kid and that's who I've become as an adult.

I have a very mild LD that never held me back in school. It's NLD. I'm in the average range for that but my Verbal Intelligence is much higher. NLD is considered on the ASD and I also have a tentative diagnosis of PDD-NOS. Except I was heavily intoxicated when under examination that time.

I've dated women on the spectrum. The first was a methhead, crackhead, bath salts user in recovery but only with our Rx Adderall and Dexedrine. Also hydrocodone and lots of alcohol. The breakup never happened. She left for meth. She called after I graduated and moved for work. She never once addressed her own behavior. She was also borderline. I've known a few ot them.

She was a lot like me that it was scary but there was another woman a lot like her except so much more innocent with the lack of extreme drug history. One thing I had in common with both of them was political ideology and a memory for the newe. Notably the Iraq War.

Both considered themselves Ancoms. I identify differently depending on who I'm with. Around lefitsts I identify as AnSynd and Agorist because of my involvement in Agorist pursuits. I've been put on both benzos and amphetamines and learned how to procure a lot of the grey area chems. Mostly for personal use. I also gamble bitcoin.

The second girl was married and interesting because she happened to read the obscure newsmag I was writing for a few years back. She was impressed I had the emails of obscure journalists and comedians parts of the left support. She also had NLD and I think her right brain could seem deficient at times. Some stuff she would do would seem childish. It wasn't til I read her writing that I knew she was intelligent. Though mostly she was well spoken.

She had a moral disconnect where she couldn't see her pranks like signing random people up for dozens of catalogs, cyberstalking and in some cases actual stalking was wrong or bad. She volunteered to help out the Rohingya refugees FFS. I share this deficiency. I started doing drugs and graffiti at a young age. School was easy. Especially social science when my mom taught me how to write, and she was a former English teacher. I also grew up in a diverse community and had a leg up on those who didn't.

I took her on a date to an art museum on a free day. I always went to those so I learned how to walk through the staff only tunnels. She was halfway thinking I was gonna do an art heist. (I am banned from the museum for other reasons)

One of the things that broke us up was there was a rumor that I used heroin because I did use other opioids and all sorts of recreational drugs. A rumor was that my family supplied me with heroin too which pissed me off because they're talking about my family!

When dispelling this rumor she seemed a bit let down I didn't really use heroin. It seems like it would've made me more exciting. Being with a married woman who's husband is also openly dating--it just hit weird. Also weird was how I'm bipolar and this woman's brother had been too, and had hanged himself months before we met. The dad saw something in me and was sorta welcoming me into the family. The whole thing was weird.

So deviance among the neurodiverse isn't documented much. I knew a lot within the community and deviance seems less common. Among my bipolar and otherwise mentally ill comrades the substance abuse is sky high! Still there's similarities within the two groups and significant overlap making drug use, recklessness, and other behavior more likely.

Edit: I've also noticed that a couple ASD women are involved in the kink community. I didn't mention all the neurodiverse people I know here, just the ones closest to me and I do like to reminisc.

But i cant do it becauae my partner will get sad that im ignoring her

I LOVE TO CONTINUALLY MAKE MY LOVED ONES UPSET OR HURT AND HAVE NO IDEA WHY OR HOW! SO I CANT EVEN PROPERLY APOLOGIZE FOR IT BECAUSE I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHJJJJJ!!!!!!!

This isnt a crisis post btw, I have care scheduled very soon

I highly suspect i have BPD and i just want to know if it ever gets better or easier to live with? 4 days ago i felt stable and now I'm back to completely losing my mind and cant reel it back in

Not even sure whats real or not about my emotions at this point other than being trans

And the “scare people away” thing is usually something painfully innocuous like me moving my appendages in a quirky way or being too passionate about something that I find interesting

Where tf are you all irl?

How do you escape this vicious cycle? All I've come up with is drinking.

Edit: I got my last job by downing two shots before the interview...

And of course, as soon as I lost the job, I lost the health insurance and had to suddenly go cold turkey off multiple psychiatric meds.

I came to the realization yesterday that the feeling of perceiving myself from the outside I get while high is literally just me unmasking and realizing my “true self” which I have avoided my entire life. And it’s quite miserable

So keep masking if you can 👍

Cause I don't think that there is anywhere in the world where I belong, or where anybody would actually like me no matter what I do, or how much I try to do right by other people.

I don't wanna go outside, or do anything anymore.

Needing experience to get a job Needing existing friends to make more friends Needing relationship history to begin a relationship

I guess I’m just trying to say that everything seems unattainable if you’re atypical maybe? I know some of these phenomena can be felt/noticed by all people regardless of neurotype but they seem to be more common for NTs like myself

Hi all. Relatively new to Hexbear, but I was scrolling through the community and saw this, never realized such a thing existed and will be following it more.

Basically, one day just wondered "an I autistic", googled the symptoms, got nervous reading them, so worked up the courage to ask my close friend who is a clinical psychologist.

She said "don't get upset" and then listed about 50 reasons why she thought I was on the spectrum. It was a total punch to the gut, but feels so obvious now in retrospect.

What I'm wondering now is, is it worth seeing a doctor, therapist, or any other professional to get it confirmed and then learn how to deal with this? Or just accept it and be who I am?

Thank you all.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve always been able to make friends with people presenting as all genders. But there seems to be this unspoken rule that it is impossible for (presenting) men and women to be friends

Like, a man and a woman hanging out and just shooting the shit then going their separate ways seems unheard of at my age. Idk maybe it’s more of straight people thing more than anything, but it sucks 👍

silly venting incoming (!)

I get some folks here (and some NTs) thrive in them and they should be offered!!!

But I cannot fucking deal as someone still trying to get a grip on inattentive ADHD. Why in the fuck, in a world where everyone has fully stopped pretending COVID-19 exists, are half my college courses still online only?? This shit feels like I'm not even in a class! I blink and I'm suddenly 4 assignments behind! FUCK.

I guess I should consider myself lucky I'm rich enough to have a PC that can handle the 3D modeling/animation work required in my degree - whenever I get around to it that is. Still too poor for that neuropsych exam that could get me accommodations though!!! Feels great to be constantly on my own on this!!!!!!! When all my medication does sometimes is keep me doomscrolling for two hours straight!!!!!!!!

Amazing to tell the people who have any chance at helping me with anything and get shrugs as a response!!!!! "That's rough buddy." YUP. Thanks Dr. Psych! Thanks disabilities counselor!

I am not finishing this shit before I'm 30

I havent tried it yet. But with the way things are going, I may not have a choice but to put myself through that.

Even at 30 hrs a week, I feel like absolute ass, and my autism's symptoms get worse.

I have pretty much never haggled in my life and every service worker I've interacted with has no authority to adjust prices.

(Actually when it comes to art commissions I seem to severely undersell to end the interaction as quickly as possible)

Honestly seems nightmarish and I feel like I would get charged $50 for a box of cereal regularly. I already feel like I get charged more for things because I hate shopping around for a quote (usually go with the first person I call because I hate rejecting someone after I've asked them for a quote)

Idk if it was because we were mostly high the entire time, but we agreed that we tend to over analyze things because we value nuance

But that rabbit hole goes so damn deep

Honestly still trying to figure out whether this is a human inquiry thing or ND thing. What say you

Like, we were able to design so many simple solutions to problems using the rules of capital but from a need-distribution perspective. We didn’t quite touch the resource exploitation from the 3rd world aspect though.

But I do this shit all the time with all of the situations that make me uncertain, so maybe it is a ND thing.

Video thumbnail is a tweet saying:

I hate how I am a "I have an appointment at 4pm so I can't do anything all day" type of person

TLDR set disruptive alarms. This lets you forget about the event until you need to focus on it, instead of devoting attention to keeping it in mind all day to the detriment of everything else.

Video is very succinct and well-edited and I think it's worth a watching the whole thing. He has a good style and has ADHD himself so he knows how to edit for his audience.

I suppose it makes sense. I have no close friends and I completely avoid social situations unless I have to be in them. It would explain why I always feel like the center of (negative) attention in any given room, or why I always feel like I'm annoying people or that I sound smug.

The doctor told me people with AVPD often have trouble understanding who they are as a person, and can't latch onto specific identities, but I haven't thought about that much. The pamphlet and stuff I'm reading online also seems to suggest AVPD has such overlap with social/general anxiety they're almost the same thing.

Anyone else have experience with this?